I have ADHD and what you’re describing feels like a dopamine crash. Happens for me randomly, but especially when I’ve returned from a trip, when I just completed a big project, and when I’m in my luteal phase. Right now I’m all three and fighting with stories about how the beloved business I built isn’t good enough (untrue), that I’m not good at my job (untrue), that I don’t actually enjoy connecting with people (untrue) or writing or making art (untrue, untrue). Thank you for articulating that the most disturbing part of this is not feeling like who we know ourselves to be. Wishing you as much grace for yourself as possible as you wait for the storm to pass ❤️
I definitely feel this Tom! The only thing that’s really helped over the years is the knowledge that it’s about dopamine, and that it’s not just me. This helps me take it less personally and allows the slightest flicker of self-compassion to enter the mix, which will eventually become my path out of the slump. The bad tired still happens but is less protracted the less I layer self-judgement on top of everything else.
I completely agree, the self loathing can drive you further into the DMN, then it gets really painful.. I’ve only just been diagnosed, but it’s fantastic to already have some answers as to why I’ve been like this for 37 years..
Congratulations on your diagnosis! I mean that sincerely. ADHD has it's ups and downs, but I was diagnosed at 35 and it's truly so amazing to have an explanation and to start working with what I got instead of trying so hard to just be different.
I wasn’t really faced with many options. Either wait on the health service, which seem infinite, or pay. Mine was £1200, which I didn’t think was too bad, considering what it’s given me.. It’ll change my life..
Thank you Aimee. We all see you and hear you. Be’ing sometimes is fucking hard! You have come so far in your self care to be able to do your launch of this incredible book … it was waiting for this time.
Ive just been diagnosed with ADHD at 62 and learning about my energy cycle… I’m burnout and resigned form my job a week ago…I’ve just had a weekend of short bursts mixing with friends and family and now I’m back on the couch…
I have adhd as well but don’t know much about this burnout cycle, although I think I’ve been experiencing it (and the bad kind of tired) for years. Does anyone have more info about it?
Here’s an article Whitney: https://add.org/adhd-burnout/ This article suggests that burnout *only* happens when things are going poorly or you’re in a bad situation. My own ADHD coach helped me understand that I also tend to experience these symptoms right after something great has happened (finishing an awesome, meaningful project or coming back from a wonderful trip to see loved ones) and the feeling of returning to reality is so under stimulating by comparison, the feeling of “what next” is so heavy and empty that I can enter into a burnout-like state, likely because my dopamine levels are readjusting.
I'm about to approve the final edits for my newest book and once that's done, I'm going to need some rest and definitely an AA meeting to keep my head right. It's foolish of me to expect anything but a crash is ahead.
ADHD here as well... Both you and Amie's words hit hard. I feel like this current round has been going on forever. I'm so tired, tired of waiting, of feeling this gross- of masking. The weight is so heavy. "dark have been my dreams of late"
I also have ADHD and when I was unmedicated (39.5 years of my life), everything good and bad is fuck this, fuck it, fuck you all bc I am never truly able to uniformally be still, focus, feel, and/or rest. It's all dragging me along, and I'm miserable. Thank you Amie for bringing this suffering truth into the light. The warmth is healing. It feels good to be known. I'm sending you peace, dear one.
Thank you for sharing your raw experience. I think that this radical honesty is something we need a lot more of--normalizing our full-spectrum experience is healing for everyone.
I understand this so well. Beautifully said. I believe this is a soul level tired. Fear that it will always be this way, I don’t just mean within you, I mean THE WORLD will always be this fucked up, human beings doing unspeakable things to each other, to the planet, to children. It wreaks havoc on my soul too, sister. I see you and I feel you. There is power in this tired. It’s calling you (and the rest of us) into action even when we feel like a powerless little gnat flying around the asshole of human disgustingness. I think that’s why we came here. Sending love ❤️
God, I've almost never related more to something online. 😭 I'm usually one sort of tired - and frequently the bad sort. And, I agree it must be related to neurodiversity and/or anxiety bc others don't seem to have the same nightmare-ish meltdown-y feeling that I get in this state. Thank you for sharing your tired truth. 😴
It sounds like your intuition has been protecting you!
I used to push through the bad sort of tired, constantly—after years of month-long colds verging on walking pneumonia and toddler-style meltdowns (both internal and external), I wound up with Long COVID and severe ME/CFS. It took hitting rock bottom for me to learn this lesson.
I don't know if everyone experiences post-exertional malaise (PEM is a well-known term in the chronic illness world) / dorsal vagal shutdown / burn out, but it feels like a death of the soul. I do think neurodivergence makes us especially vulnerable. Our sensitivity and acquired shame wears us down, so cheers to you for releasing it through your writing <3
PS - I watched your Ted Talk when I was nearing this state over the weekend and it was like food for the soul! Breathing exercises on Finch (free app with cute birds) help me tons, too. Diaphragmatic breathing (slow in through the nose, out through pursed lips) signals to the body that it's time to slow down and settle in, regulating the nervous system. Hope it helps someone!
I've not heard of PEM but you just described the years 2022 to 2025 for me. Can it last that long?
Also, super super happy to see someone mentioning the finch app. This is the first person outside of Reddit to mention it and I want a new friend LOL. Finch is great.
I should note my experience is personal / from IG, that being said:
PEM is a worsening of symptoms that tends to happen 24-48 hours after activity. That's what distinguishes it from say, depression or deconditioning. An ME/CFS or Long COVID crash can last for days, weeks, or months. Last year my typical was about 2 weeks, now it's a day or two. For those who are most severe, PEM can be triggered by light coming in through the window, or by changing positions in bed.
Some people prefer to soften the language as to not trigger the nervous system, calling symptoms "sensations" and referring to crashes as "dips" in capacity.
It's always important to rule out other things. I've read autistic burnout can last longer. Depression and anxiety can contribute of course, as with any highly stressful life experience. I've found the SNRI, Effexor helps increase my capacity because I can better manage dips without catastrophizing (for the most part).
I totally accepted your friend code. thank you so much!
Thank you so much for your detailed response. I can see the rabbit hole I’m about to go down already LOL
so, how do you use Finch? You mentioned the breathing exercises… I mostly use it to reflect on my day and for gratitude. And a reminder to take a deep breath and be kind to myself every now and again.
I really like their journaling prompts too because they help me identify how I’m feeling and give myself more credit 🙏
I mostly used it when I was coming out of being bed bound to add all the things I would typically do in a day and create a positive connotation around them (coins!) rather than fear. It’s still helpful for keeping me on track throughout the day!
I add the breathing exercises as goals (morning, calm, bedtime) along with drink water (6 times) and that way at the end of the day I can see if there’s maybe a reason I feel tanked and anything I can do about it in the moment or the next day ❤️
Thanks for writing this, you summed up this kind of tired so perfectly! I have ADHD and chronic fatigue, a combination which seems to lead to a lot of bad-kind-of-tired days. Like a previous commenter I feel I need to show this to my husband as he doesn't get why I don't fill my time more 'constructively' when feeling this kind of tired.
Thank you for writing this! I had no words to describe my various forms of tired, so I lumped them into one: Fucking Exhausted from Life. (Add living in the U.S., and you can add a healthy dose of Devastated and Tired.) Truly appreciate your candor and words.
I'm so sorry, Amie. This sounds like absolute hell, and I hope to god it's short-lived. (I'm on the last part of your book—celebrating—and have loved every minute of it.)
I have ADHD and what you’re describing feels like a dopamine crash. Happens for me randomly, but especially when I’ve returned from a trip, when I just completed a big project, and when I’m in my luteal phase. Right now I’m all three and fighting with stories about how the beloved business I built isn’t good enough (untrue), that I’m not good at my job (untrue), that I don’t actually enjoy connecting with people (untrue) or writing or making art (untrue, untrue). Thank you for articulating that the most disturbing part of this is not feeling like who we know ourselves to be. Wishing you as much grace for yourself as possible as you wait for the storm to pass ❤️
I’m so glad you wrote this, I was looking for this comment. I also have ADHD, find crashing/burnout so hard to manage sometimes..
I definitely feel this Tom! The only thing that’s really helped over the years is the knowledge that it’s about dopamine, and that it’s not just me. This helps me take it less personally and allows the slightest flicker of self-compassion to enter the mix, which will eventually become my path out of the slump. The bad tired still happens but is less protracted the less I layer self-judgement on top of everything else.
I completely agree, the self loathing can drive you further into the DMN, then it gets really painful.. I’ve only just been diagnosed, but it’s fantastic to already have some answers as to why I’ve been like this for 37 years..
Congratulations on your diagnosis! I mean that sincerely. ADHD has it's ups and downs, but I was diagnosed at 35 and it's truly so amazing to have an explanation and to start working with what I got instead of trying so hard to just be different.
Thank you, Katie. Hopefully I can begin to build back parts of my life that are stronger and better for my poor little brainbox 🙏☺️
👋🏻 58 and undiagnosed—on the journey and appreciate all of you. Any suggestions for getting diagnosed on the cheap?
I wasn’t really faced with many options. Either wait on the health service, which seem infinite, or pay. Mine was £1200, which I didn’t think was too bad, considering what it’s given me.. It’ll change my life..
Thank you Aimee. We all see you and hear you. Be’ing sometimes is fucking hard! You have come so far in your self care to be able to do your launch of this incredible book … it was waiting for this time.
Ive just been diagnosed with ADHD at 62 and learning about my energy cycle… I’m burnout and resigned form my job a week ago…I’ve just had a weekend of short bursts mixing with friends and family and now I’m back on the couch…
You have come so far…
I have adhd as well but don’t know much about this burnout cycle, although I think I’ve been experiencing it (and the bad kind of tired) for years. Does anyone have more info about it?
Here’s an article Whitney: https://add.org/adhd-burnout/ This article suggests that burnout *only* happens when things are going poorly or you’re in a bad situation. My own ADHD coach helped me understand that I also tend to experience these symptoms right after something great has happened (finishing an awesome, meaningful project or coming back from a wonderful trip to see loved ones) and the feeling of returning to reality is so under stimulating by comparison, the feeling of “what next” is so heavy and empty that I can enter into a burnout-like state, likely because my dopamine levels are readjusting.
May your couch time be restorative ❤️ I hope you can be gentle with yourself until your energy returns
You’ve just articulated everything I’ve been feeling for the past several months. It’s amazing to know I’m never alone.
I'm about to approve the final edits for my newest book and once that's done, I'm going to need some rest and definitely an AA meeting to keep my head right. It's foolish of me to expect anything but a crash is ahead.
ADHD here as well... Both you and Amie's words hit hard. I feel like this current round has been going on forever. I'm so tired, tired of waiting, of feeling this gross- of masking. The weight is so heavy. "dark have been my dreams of late"
Waiting for it to pass is so hard. I hope you feel better soon.
LUTEAL PHASE SUCKS
💯
I also have ADHD and when I was unmedicated (39.5 years of my life), everything good and bad is fuck this, fuck it, fuck you all bc I am never truly able to uniformally be still, focus, feel, and/or rest. It's all dragging me along, and I'm miserable. Thank you Amie for bringing this suffering truth into the light. The warmth is healing. It feels good to be known. I'm sending you peace, dear one.
Yup I’m with you, and feel slightly less alone and mad and ungrateful for reading this. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your raw experience. I think that this radical honesty is something we need a lot more of--normalizing our full-spectrum experience is healing for everyone.
I understand this so well. Beautifully said. I believe this is a soul level tired. Fear that it will always be this way, I don’t just mean within you, I mean THE WORLD will always be this fucked up, human beings doing unspeakable things to each other, to the planet, to children. It wreaks havoc on my soul too, sister. I see you and I feel you. There is power in this tired. It’s calling you (and the rest of us) into action even when we feel like a powerless little gnat flying around the asshole of human disgustingness. I think that’s why we came here. Sending love ❤️
God, I've almost never related more to something online. 😭 I'm usually one sort of tired - and frequently the bad sort. And, I agree it must be related to neurodiversity and/or anxiety bc others don't seem to have the same nightmare-ish meltdown-y feeling that I get in this state. Thank you for sharing your tired truth. 😴
witnessing you 🤎
I feel so seen and need to show this to my husband. I couldn’t find the words to explain other than “Leave me alone! I’m trying to exist.”
It sounds like your intuition has been protecting you!
I used to push through the bad sort of tired, constantly—after years of month-long colds verging on walking pneumonia and toddler-style meltdowns (both internal and external), I wound up with Long COVID and severe ME/CFS. It took hitting rock bottom for me to learn this lesson.
I don't know if everyone experiences post-exertional malaise (PEM is a well-known term in the chronic illness world) / dorsal vagal shutdown / burn out, but it feels like a death of the soul. I do think neurodivergence makes us especially vulnerable. Our sensitivity and acquired shame wears us down, so cheers to you for releasing it through your writing <3
PS - I watched your Ted Talk when I was nearing this state over the weekend and it was like food for the soul! Breathing exercises on Finch (free app with cute birds) help me tons, too. Diaphragmatic breathing (slow in through the nose, out through pursed lips) signals to the body that it's time to slow down and settle in, regulating the nervous system. Hope it helps someone!
I just downloaded that app. Thanks for mentioning it. 😊
Oh I’m so glad!! It’s helped me in many ways!
I've not heard of PEM but you just described the years 2022 to 2025 for me. Can it last that long?
Also, super super happy to see someone mentioning the finch app. This is the first person outside of Reddit to mention it and I want a new friend LOL. Finch is great.
Ahh love it! I'll DM you my friend code!
I should note my experience is personal / from IG, that being said:
PEM is a worsening of symptoms that tends to happen 24-48 hours after activity. That's what distinguishes it from say, depression or deconditioning. An ME/CFS or Long COVID crash can last for days, weeks, or months. Last year my typical was about 2 weeks, now it's a day or two. For those who are most severe, PEM can be triggered by light coming in through the window, or by changing positions in bed.
Some people prefer to soften the language as to not trigger the nervous system, calling symptoms "sensations" and referring to crashes as "dips" in capacity.
It's always important to rule out other things. I've read autistic burnout can last longer. Depression and anxiety can contribute of course, as with any highly stressful life experience. I've found the SNRI, Effexor helps increase my capacity because I can better manage dips without catastrophizing (for the most part).
Hope it helps and happy to chat anytime!
I totally accepted your friend code. thank you so much!
Thank you so much for your detailed response. I can see the rabbit hole I’m about to go down already LOL
so, how do you use Finch? You mentioned the breathing exercises… I mostly use it to reflect on my day and for gratitude. And a reminder to take a deep breath and be kind to myself every now and again.
That’s such a lovely use case 🥰
I really like their journaling prompts too because they help me identify how I’m feeling and give myself more credit 🙏
I mostly used it when I was coming out of being bed bound to add all the things I would typically do in a day and create a positive connotation around them (coins!) rather than fear. It’s still helpful for keeping me on track throughout the day!
I add the breathing exercises as goals (morning, calm, bedtime) along with drink water (6 times) and that way at the end of the day I can see if there’s maybe a reason I feel tanked and anything I can do about it in the moment or the next day ❤️
Absolutely amazing! You've hit the nail on the head with this one!
Holy shit! Yes yes yes!
I want to cry with relief that it's not just me and likely just another way my ADHD brain does it's thing.
I hate this tired and I don't know what to do with it and I thought there was something wrong with me and I hide it. But I'm so bad tired!!!
Thank you xx
Thanks for writing this, you summed up this kind of tired so perfectly! I have ADHD and chronic fatigue, a combination which seems to lead to a lot of bad-kind-of-tired days. Like a previous commenter I feel I need to show this to my husband as he doesn't get why I don't fill my time more 'constructively' when feeling this kind of tired.
Even in the bad tired you wrote this beautiful piece that made me feel so seen and understood. Thank you.
Thank you for writing this! I had no words to describe my various forms of tired, so I lumped them into one: Fucking Exhausted from Life. (Add living in the U.S., and you can add a healthy dose of Devastated and Tired.) Truly appreciate your candor and words.
I'm so sorry, Amie. This sounds like absolute hell, and I hope to god it's short-lived. (I'm on the last part of your book—celebrating—and have loved every minute of it.)
Can relate!
You describe the experience so well🤎 right there in it with you
Thank you for another gift ✨