The whole time I was reading this [wonderful, relatable] piece, Anaïs Nin was top of mind. If you haven’t read her diaries—I can’t recommend them enough. She’s a kindred soul 🤍 “I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” —A.N.
She was a great writer who mixed in LA quite a bit. Very sensual and deeply detailed storyteller and uber writer logger, I think there are over 600 items in her collection.
I have forgotten about Anais Nin and I have not read her work save for a few references and the like. I will invest some time into her writing this year.
Ooof! Wow. Goes straight to my soul – I feel this so, so deeply. Last year, after I told my therapist I didn’t ever want to go back to a “normal” job , the kind I’d been doing for about ten years, she responded: ‘but you’re gonna have to, eventually.’
For a week, I cried my eyes out and and punched the hell out of my sand sack until my knuckles were blue – not because I was mad at her, but because I was so, so afraid she might just be right. What if my creative dreams wouldn’t work out? What if I spent even more years on these projects and nothing ever came back around? What if it was a waste of time – what if my inner voice, my inner knowing was wrong??
The week after, I confronted her and told her that while she didn’t have to believe in my dreams, it’s her job to support me in pursuing them anyway and leave her personal opinion behind while doing so. If she couldn’t pull it off, I’d need to get another therapist.
She listened, and now she still listens and supports me when I talk about how hard it is trying to put all my energy towards my writing when it barely brings in any money, she cheers for me when I talk about having had a successful, very creative writing session and she understand – just as well as I do, now – that that’s the way I gotta go.
Because, in the end, at 35 I’m way too old to live a life without creativity – or, to put it in your words, a life that doesn’t sparkle. ✨
Paradigm shift when you said you’re way too old to live a life without creativity! The opposite of feeling like it’s too late now. Thank you for that little insight 💜
Wow I had such a similar experience with my therapist. It really helps to read your story and feel less alone with that. She (quite angrily) said "You will eventually have to take responsability!" Ahm... wow. I thought the exact same thing: It is here JOB to support and help me figure my stuff out... I do not want here opinion. Thanks again for sharing your story. 🫶Wish you all the best for your journey! 💕
this comment resonates. My old therapist tried to convince me to go back to university and become a therapist like her because I "know all the terminology and understand it all"... in my 50s... when I already have a degree and want to be a writer, which she knew. People who are not artistic don't get it.
Such true words – non creative people won’t understand it. And it takes courage to stay on our path knowing we won’t be understood by everyone we’d like to be. I applaud you for going your unique way as a writer and wishing you all the best ❤️
So good that you confronted your therapist — and she listened! I went to a terrible therapist for 9 years 😣 and this piece so reminded me of a session I still talk about often. I was toiling away at my job as a brand strategist which I had once mostly enjoyed — I loved working with designers and getting into what makes people (consumers) tick — but had become tired of and beaten down by the schedule and the selling of shit I didn't believe in. I told her that I really just wanted to open a beautiful home store and curate nice things in a lovely space. She told me to open an Einstein bagels franchise. 😑 In my head I was like, have you met me??? But I brushed it off and kept going to her! I had no confidence in my mid 30s, kudos to you. Btw, I am still thinking about opening a store and now have a partner and we might actually do it. 🙌🏼
This feeling of guilt or laziness because I don't want a job is exactly what has been on my mind the last couple of days. For some reason somewhere deep down I'm so afraid of the judgment of other people, but also afraid of not having enough money. I also feel like money plays a huuuge part in those judgments. If you make a lot of money people will admire it or ask you how you do it
This made me cry! I have never felt more seen. I have tried soooo many jobs. And I hated every one of them. I just don’t work in “normal” society. Can’t do it anymore. I am unemployed now and in the midst of trying to figure it all out. You are a great inspiration. Thank you!
This is also how I feel — I’ve hated every single job I’ve ever had EXCEPT for my own massage practice — which my body / system did not have the capacity to make financially sustainable. So. Office jobs, stacked up. Bankruptcy. I’m deep into middle age these days and still miserable at my office job and do NOT know what to do. I’ve been applying to other jobs, knowing I’ll likely be just as miserable. Because I cannot afford to not work. No matter how my system fights it. What is the secret? I am creative but I haven’t had the capacity to BE creative or have “hobbies” or do anything but work and try real hard to have enough downtime in order to build up the reserves required to work again after 2 days not working in the job. Woof. There are so many of us — and all of us are too tired to rebel. Capitalism is working. 🫠
Me too. I also cried, and hard, at this article. I think mostly because I spent a lot of my young adult life actively avoiding getting anything that could be called, or might lead to, a career. And at some point over the last few years I realised that that was short-sighted and overly-optimistic, and I have been in some kind of grief about my naivety and, well, youth.
Yes, yes, yes! I gave up my "career" and decided to take jobs for the societal transaction that they are, time/money/capitalism. I also downsized my life so I need less. The result is I work less, own less, consume less, and have more time for creative projects and life in general. Sometimes I'm the oldest person in the room but in a junior role, I absolutely don't care as the freedom is immense. Sparkle while we've all still got light and life in us ✨️
I love this. The best thing I have found about reaching middle age is not caring (or caring less?) about others opinions of your ‘success at life’. I would love to counsel my young-adult self with the same message. What you do is not who you are - unless you really really want it to be.
You go girl. Downsizing our consumption and checking in with ourselves about what we really NEED is just as important as "working". It's the other half of the equation, and many companies/leaders in the capitalist system don't want to talk about it, because it breaks the calculus. They want us to spend as much as possible so that they can hire more people to do jobs that they don't want to do, make a salary, buy more things. But if we introspect a little, we often remember that less things and less time spent toiling at a stressful job means more living.
Yes! Exactly! I used to think I needed more money to gain more freedom, once I realised that the exchange of earning to then consume was costing me my freedom (not to mention others' and planet), downsizing and downscaling made sense.
I’ve worked a ton of jobs in my life. Some office. Some more manual labor like supermarket bakery. I never focused on a career. I had a long stint as a full-time wife and mother (if anyone thinks that’s not work, often quite non-sparkling, they’d be wrong) punctuated by part-time jobs here and there. I have a teaching degree but knew teaching was an all-consuming job. I wanted to be a writer and focus my mind on my craft. It was doable.
But I didn’t have: fancy cars, expensive clothes, trips to the Bahamas, glam housing, nice furniture, mani-pedis, hair coloring, and a bunch of other things that people think they need (deserve?) In other words, a person might be able to have it all if they become very successful with their art, but it’s not guaranteed. I’ve been willing to sacrifice glamour for my writing life. It was a good trade. I’d do it again.
Wow this really hit home and is exactly the way I feel too. There is so much pressure to have a typical job. I just want to work at something that lights my soul up and am really happy to know there are others out there that feel as torn as I do. Thank you for sharing!
Sometimes I avoid your emails because they hit too close to home. ;) I've learned to push through the guilt of spending time writing novels, but I have a HUGE block when it comes to doing the work to market them. My mind goes into complete fawn mode--blank staring at the screen. I can write complex 500-page novels but can't think of a thing to say in marketing content. I pre-ordered your book.
Amie. You must have read my journal and been in my therapy session this week. I’ve never been so seen in my life. I feel like the only person I know who feels this way. What a relief to know others feel this way, too. I have been repulsed by mediocre jobs since I was a teenager (my parents telling me “you have to work and you’re probably not going to like it… that’s life.”) and I felt like a loser for feeling that way. I actually literally cried reading this. How validating. How wonderful to consider that this repulsion and drive to do my own work is a wonderful gift ❤️ thank you 🙏
Amie, your words speak to the depths of my soul. You're one of the few people who I feel is on my same wavelength and it makes me feel a little less crazy. Or maybe we're both crazy. Yeah...let's be fucking crazy together 💜✨ here's to creating lives that sparkle
I was sitting in bed debating if I should walk away from this suffocating job and just go for what lights my soul on fire when I opened this app and this post was there…and I’m replying to your comment because both of your words spoke to my soul! I’ll jump on the crazy sparkle bandwagon and drive with you both! Cheers to sparkling lives and I’m seeing this as validation to just go for it. Thank you both❤️✨❤️✨
Yes!! I put my two week’s notice in at my 9-5 about a week ago so I’ll be joining you in that magnificent leap of faith ✨if not now, when? That’s what I keep sitting with and it’s guiding me forward
That’s exactly what my theme today has been…why wait until x months from now…why give my energy to something I’m sure I don’t want anymore. I have a large event that I planned in 2 weeks and I plan to give my notice the moment it’s over. I’m beyond excited, and filled with peace and optimism for the next chapter. Life’s too short to waste time on anything that doesn’t light you up! (I feel like my guides are saying “Finally, she’s picking up what we’ve been trying to show her!” lol)
You have articulated here, exactly how I have felt my whole life as a full time, self employed artist. This bizarre oscillation between loving what I do, finding it valuable and worthy - mixed with feelings of guilt, fear, exhaustion, satisfaction. I could not love this article more.
Wow.
So beautifully written, raw and utterly brilliant. Bravo for your refusal to settle for anything less than butterflies and magic . 🙌
As I read this on my back, warm in my bed with freezing temps outside, an hour before I need to leave to work
(on my typical off day)
to toil in the elements,
(in which there are FREEZING TEMPS OUTSIDE!!!)
I feel taken over by a kindred warmth knowing that there are those like you, Amie, and like me in this crazy world, including those who also felt compelled to leave comments about how much this heartfelt essay meant to them.
We desire a life that sparkles, and yet so many of us have been fed the opposite, for most I guess because it’s simply all our guides ever known.
How amazing to be a trailblazer leaving the smell of rebellion and sparkles in your wake for those of us who demand more to follow, and carve our own path along the way.
Amie, I’m thankful for your need to write, your need to speak and be heard, as your sentiments always leave me feeling invigorated to continue to chase my dreams, and prove to myself that it can be done.
Whether you realize it or not, you’re doing very meaningful work— You’re kindling the smoldering embers in the hearts of the artists who desire more from this oppressive system, who want to make their mark while inspiring others with their creativity so that more can know they have the right and ability to chose a life that sparkles.
I am so glad you fought for a sparkly life. It gives so many folks hope. I can’t wait to read your book. Recently I tried to find a “real” job again, and failed miserably at it. I am already a stay at home mom, which the world doesn’t see as real work at all. And the fact that I want to be an artist? Most find it a joke. I spent years in active addiction trying force myself into a different way of being in the world but NO MORE. My little girl told me the other day that she wants to be an artist just like me. So, I say we change the system because I’ll be damned if someone is going to tell her she can’t do what she wants.
Amie, I'm going to figure out a way to pre-order the UK version, because what the F*uck ; ) And yes! Took surviving cancer to make me carve out a job that I can make money at that lights me up and can support my art. Can't wait to read it.
These comments are bizarre. You don’t relate to this because you have some kind of special kinship - you relate to this because almost no one wants to work. That’s why they have to pay us for it.
But look around you. You’re couch, your lunch, your phone, your house, your oven. Think of the stuff you do - your therapy, your airplane travel, your books, your medicine, your kids education. All of these were brought to you by people doing work that they almost definitely didn’t want to do. If you want the fruits of other people’s contributions to your life, you have to contribute to someone else’s. Not what *you* want to give them (your art, etc.), but what *they* want. What they’re willing to pay for.
If you don’t work, that’s fine, but you’ll have to give up consuming the benefits of other people’s work. That’s a tradeoff most people don’t want to make - though there are some and they live in tents - and society reflects that.
TLDR: You aren't accounting for intangible benefits of art beyond monetary return and most people do, in fact, like their jobs.
There are many people who enjoy work that isn't art. I think it's hard to argue that the people doing the jobs related to the things you listed, pilots, engineers, writers (art!), editors, doctors, chemists, teachers, and therapists don't enjoy their jobs as a rule.
Those are actually jobs that tend to rank highly on job satisfaction metrics. Indeed, according to this gallup poll (https://news.gallup.com/poll/1720/work-work-place.aspx), 91% of respondents were at least somewhat satisfied with their jobs, and 50% were completely satisfied. Only 8% were unsatisfied. So, yes, it is rare for people to genuinely not enjoy paid employment.
This is a very transactional view of society. To use some technical language from economists, you are centring "exchange value". That is, the price that someone is paid for something. There are several issues with this method of account "value" when it comes to creative work.
First, it does not factor in "experiential value", that is the joy that someone experiences from either using a product or creating it. Capitalism, as a rule, is inefficient at rewarding experiential value as it's not possible to create more capital from it. There are some calculations economists try to do to determine an equivalent exchange value for experiential value, like multiplying the time people choose to spend doing something by the minimum wage (a formula that effectively says, I'm willing to NOT WORK x hours and do this thing in order to feel good). But even that is a poor way of accounting for experiential value.
Second, it's clear that simply having artists in a community, and the presence of art in a community, is an extremely potent public health booster. It makes for stronger communities and happier people. So we know from several large cohort studies that artists are not free loaders, but integral members of happy communities.
Third, and more importantly, most artists are not fairly compensated for their work because of large monopolies and monopsonies. As an example, Amie pays $4000 to have her audiobooks made then Audible takes 75% of each sale from her for the privilege of letting her host a file with them. Is that a fair exchange of value? Obviously not. Amie took on all the risk, but Amazon/Audible gets the rewards because it simply owns the infrastucture. That is a monopoly. The same kind of monopoly exists at virtually every point on the art supply chain. It's possible because artists are usually sole traders and can't work collectively. They get picked off one by one.
This also means there's less money left over for other artists and fewer artists can make a living.
Most of this is a response to a comment I didn’t make - something about artists not being a job that contributes to society. We do need some artists. If Amie is making money and/or has a large following from it, that’s a good signal that her work is valued. But this is no different than a professional basketball player, actor or influencer telling people they should do those things. We only hear from the exceptions that made it, not from the hordes of failures who are living precariously for making that decision and failing.
In order to succeed in those fields, you have to have some combination of extreme skill and luck. “Move to Hollywood and chase your dream if don’t like your job” is famously, terrible advice for most people.
Only a very small number of people get to do those passion jobs. And the reason they pay so little is *because* a lot of people want to do them. Heck, we’re here contributing opinion writing for free. Supply and demand. Audible is new - art has always been a low paid job for all but a tiny selection of superstars.
If we want watermelons, someone has to have the job of picking watermelons, shipping watermelons, managing watermelon farms, building farming equipment, etc. No one wants to do those jobs.
The jobs you listed might not be as bad as picking watermelons but the vast majority of the time, the people doing them are watching the clock and waiting to go home. And even to get one of the really good ones (doctor, commercial pilot, software engineer) means spending many years doing the stuff that Amie decries - following orders from a boss, showing up when they want you to, etc. No one in those jobs got them with a “I don’t want to work!” attitude.
I read back over your post and don't think I misrepresented your argument at all. I was directly responding to your points that:
1) people generally don't want to work regular jobs, which is just not true. Many, indeed most, people prefer regular jobs to making art.
2) there is some kind of basic direct market system between people whereby you are allowed goods and services based on how much other individuals want to pay your for your goods and services. My point is that modern capitalism sets up chokepoints that capture the value of art before this exchange can happen. If someone wants to buy an audiobook, they need to sell four times as many as they would if the chokepoint didn't exist in order to survive off their art.
Society does not have to work this way. We empower large corporations to act this way through a series of arcane anti-trust laws and regulations that favour them over artists.
Supply and demand is a very simplistic way to view our economy. It ignores the litany of things that happen under the hood that mean that markets and capital are far from free.
We live under neo-liberalism which is a system that has the express purpose of enriching large corporations over regular people. Infinite other potential systems exist.
As to survivorship bias, yes of course, that is just a fact. Amie isn't arguing that everyone should quit their jobs and they will be successful writers. She herself worked other jobs while trying to make it as a writer. I think, though, that society could support many more artists if they were compensated fairly for their work which does, in fact, have value.
The narrative that enjoyable jobs are poorly compensated because of competition is somewhat true. But once again, you hugely oversimplifying a very complex issue. As I said before, there is probably at least 4-5x more money to go around the creative community which would create many more creative jobs. Graeber, who Amie mentions in the article, would agree that we compensate people less if their job is meaningful and enjoyable. But he asks us not to stop there and just accept this. Why do you want to live in a world that just accepts that as fair?
Also, let's take your watermelon example. There are actually many people who enjoy logistics, farming, engineering farming equipment. You claim that the vast majority of people who work are watching the clock, but as I showed from the gallup survey data, that doesn't appear to be the case.
I think we are too far apart on the question of “how much of the need for people to do unwanted work is a product of neoliberalism?” I don’t see any form of government that liberates the majority from doing jobs they don’t want to do. No country has figured this out, currently or historically, as far as I can tell. The wealth of the US has brought us closer than say, the Soviet Union, North Korea or China. Sweden has a lot of benefits but most people don’t get to do jobs there that resemble their hobbies.
With regard to the job satisfaction survey, I think you’re misinterpreting what people mean when they say they’re “satisfied” with their job. I work at a good company, and I think most people would say they’re satisfied with their job there. But those people are also much happier when it’s Friday evening than Monday morning, and the vast majority would leave if they could make the same money doing their favorite hobby (playing sports, art, writing political takes, dancing, whatever.) That’s true for waaay too many people for the demand for those professions to support that demand.
And the people who most actually like there jobs generally got there with a lot of work they didn’t want to do.
I don’t think any of that is a function of monopsonies. When these were cash markets with no consolidation, musicians, bards, artists, poets, intellectuals, etc. were still poverty jobs outside of the very top.
Fantastic Amie! Your post was like the anthem of my life! Parents always said “it’s why it’s called work, you aren’t supposed to like it, you just work” WTF? That’s not my world. Thank you so much for this and I pre-ordered your book!
The whole time I was reading this [wonderful, relatable] piece, Anaïs Nin was top of mind. If you haven’t read her diaries—I can’t recommend them enough. She’s a kindred soul 🤍 “I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” —A.N.
I thought of her too! Only this is the quote that came to mind - “Had I not created my whole world, I would certainly have died in other people’s. ”
Oh yes, that is such a good one, too! There are so many, really. She's the patron saint of soulful, restless, hungry writers.
That quote gets me in the heart!
It helps to have had a banker husband that fully subsidizes your life as an artist. 👩🎨. And ignore your extravagant sex life. But we can all dream.
She was a great writer who mixed in LA quite a bit. Very sensual and deeply detailed storyteller and uber writer logger, I think there are over 600 items in her collection.
I have forgotten about Anais Nin and I have not read her work save for a few references and the like. I will invest some time into her writing this year.
Oh I love this quote and recommendation! I'm going to look into her work asap
I love her diaries!
I popped on to say just this! Desire a life that is magic ✨️
Oh I’ll have to order Anais nin diaries that quote is beautiful !
Ooof! Wow. Goes straight to my soul – I feel this so, so deeply. Last year, after I told my therapist I didn’t ever want to go back to a “normal” job , the kind I’d been doing for about ten years, she responded: ‘but you’re gonna have to, eventually.’
For a week, I cried my eyes out and and punched the hell out of my sand sack until my knuckles were blue – not because I was mad at her, but because I was so, so afraid she might just be right. What if my creative dreams wouldn’t work out? What if I spent even more years on these projects and nothing ever came back around? What if it was a waste of time – what if my inner voice, my inner knowing was wrong??
The week after, I confronted her and told her that while she didn’t have to believe in my dreams, it’s her job to support me in pursuing them anyway and leave her personal opinion behind while doing so. If she couldn’t pull it off, I’d need to get another therapist.
She listened, and now she still listens and supports me when I talk about how hard it is trying to put all my energy towards my writing when it barely brings in any money, she cheers for me when I talk about having had a successful, very creative writing session and she understand – just as well as I do, now – that that’s the way I gotta go.
Because, in the end, at 35 I’m way too old to live a life without creativity – or, to put it in your words, a life that doesn’t sparkle. ✨
Paradigm shift when you said you’re way too old to live a life without creativity! The opposite of feeling like it’s too late now. Thank you for that little insight 💜
Oh wow thank you I love that – didn’t even notice it was a direct opposite, that’s even more amazing 🫶
Wow I had such a similar experience with my therapist. It really helps to read your story and feel less alone with that. She (quite angrily) said "You will eventually have to take responsability!" Ahm... wow. I thought the exact same thing: It is here JOB to support and help me figure my stuff out... I do not want here opinion. Thanks again for sharing your story. 🫶Wish you all the best for your journey! 💕
So sorry you had to go through that! We’re all in this together 🩷
this comment resonates. My old therapist tried to convince me to go back to university and become a therapist like her because I "know all the terminology and understand it all"... in my 50s... when I already have a degree and want to be a writer, which she knew. People who are not artistic don't get it.
Such true words – non creative people won’t understand it. And it takes courage to stay on our path knowing we won’t be understood by everyone we’d like to be. I applaud you for going your unique way as a writer and wishing you all the best ❤️
I love that for you, that you're fighting for your sparkly life. And amazing that you confonted your theapist and demanded support! 👏🤩
Thank yooouuu 🥰 but really, there’s no other way, right? If we don’t fight for our dreams, who will? ✨
So good that you confronted your therapist — and she listened! I went to a terrible therapist for 9 years 😣 and this piece so reminded me of a session I still talk about often. I was toiling away at my job as a brand strategist which I had once mostly enjoyed — I loved working with designers and getting into what makes people (consumers) tick — but had become tired of and beaten down by the schedule and the selling of shit I didn't believe in. I told her that I really just wanted to open a beautiful home store and curate nice things in a lovely space. She told me to open an Einstein bagels franchise. 😑 In my head I was like, have you met me??? But I brushed it off and kept going to her! I had no confidence in my mid 30s, kudos to you. Btw, I am still thinking about opening a store and now have a partner and we might actually do it. 🙌🏼
This feeling of guilt or laziness because I don't want a job is exactly what has been on my mind the last couple of days. For some reason somewhere deep down I'm so afraid of the judgment of other people, but also afraid of not having enough money. I also feel like money plays a huuuge part in those judgments. If you make a lot of money people will admire it or ask you how you do it
Mhm! Doesn't really matter if it makes you happy, as long as you make a lot of money you get validation, support and admiration... so silly....🫥
That is so true!
Currently not working and I couldn’t articulate my feelings better 🥹
This made me cry! I have never felt more seen. I have tried soooo many jobs. And I hated every one of them. I just don’t work in “normal” society. Can’t do it anymore. I am unemployed now and in the midst of trying to figure it all out. You are a great inspiration. Thank you!
This is also how I feel — I’ve hated every single job I’ve ever had EXCEPT for my own massage practice — which my body / system did not have the capacity to make financially sustainable. So. Office jobs, stacked up. Bankruptcy. I’m deep into middle age these days and still miserable at my office job and do NOT know what to do. I’ve been applying to other jobs, knowing I’ll likely be just as miserable. Because I cannot afford to not work. No matter how my system fights it. What is the secret? I am creative but I haven’t had the capacity to BE creative or have “hobbies” or do anything but work and try real hard to have enough downtime in order to build up the reserves required to work again after 2 days not working in the job. Woof. There are so many of us — and all of us are too tired to rebel. Capitalism is working. 🫠
Me too. I also cried, and hard, at this article. I think mostly because I spent a lot of my young adult life actively avoiding getting anything that could be called, or might lead to, a career. And at some point over the last few years I realised that that was short-sighted and overly-optimistic, and I have been in some kind of grief about my naivety and, well, youth.
Yes, yes, yes! I gave up my "career" and decided to take jobs for the societal transaction that they are, time/money/capitalism. I also downsized my life so I need less. The result is I work less, own less, consume less, and have more time for creative projects and life in general. Sometimes I'm the oldest person in the room but in a junior role, I absolutely don't care as the freedom is immense. Sparkle while we've all still got light and life in us ✨️
I love this. The best thing I have found about reaching middle age is not caring (or caring less?) about others opinions of your ‘success at life’. I would love to counsel my young-adult self with the same message. What you do is not who you are - unless you really really want it to be.
Absolutely!! So much time 'striving' until you realise the game is just that, and you don't have to play if you don't want to!
You go girl. Downsizing our consumption and checking in with ourselves about what we really NEED is just as important as "working". It's the other half of the equation, and many companies/leaders in the capitalist system don't want to talk about it, because it breaks the calculus. They want us to spend as much as possible so that they can hire more people to do jobs that they don't want to do, make a salary, buy more things. But if we introspect a little, we often remember that less things and less time spent toiling at a stressful job means more living.
Yes! Exactly! I used to think I needed more money to gain more freedom, once I realised that the exchange of earning to then consume was costing me my freedom (not to mention others' and planet), downsizing and downscaling made sense.
I’ve worked a ton of jobs in my life. Some office. Some more manual labor like supermarket bakery. I never focused on a career. I had a long stint as a full-time wife and mother (if anyone thinks that’s not work, often quite non-sparkling, they’d be wrong) punctuated by part-time jobs here and there. I have a teaching degree but knew teaching was an all-consuming job. I wanted to be a writer and focus my mind on my craft. It was doable.
But I didn’t have: fancy cars, expensive clothes, trips to the Bahamas, glam housing, nice furniture, mani-pedis, hair coloring, and a bunch of other things that people think they need (deserve?) In other words, a person might be able to have it all if they become very successful with their art, but it’s not guaranteed. I’ve been willing to sacrifice glamour for my writing life. It was a good trade. I’d do it again.
Wow this really hit home and is exactly the way I feel too. There is so much pressure to have a typical job. I just want to work at something that lights my soul up and am really happy to know there are others out there that feel as torn as I do. Thank you for sharing!
Sometimes I avoid your emails because they hit too close to home. ;) I've learned to push through the guilt of spending time writing novels, but I have a HUGE block when it comes to doing the work to market them. My mind goes into complete fawn mode--blank staring at the screen. I can write complex 500-page novels but can't think of a thing to say in marketing content. I pre-ordered your book.
Find the people out there that can do the marketing for you! You are a writer. Period.
Amie. You must have read my journal and been in my therapy session this week. I’ve never been so seen in my life. I feel like the only person I know who feels this way. What a relief to know others feel this way, too. I have been repulsed by mediocre jobs since I was a teenager (my parents telling me “you have to work and you’re probably not going to like it… that’s life.”) and I felt like a loser for feeling that way. I actually literally cried reading this. How validating. How wonderful to consider that this repulsion and drive to do my own work is a wonderful gift ❤️ thank you 🙏
Amie, your words speak to the depths of my soul. You're one of the few people who I feel is on my same wavelength and it makes me feel a little less crazy. Or maybe we're both crazy. Yeah...let's be fucking crazy together 💜✨ here's to creating lives that sparkle
I was sitting in bed debating if I should walk away from this suffocating job and just go for what lights my soul on fire when I opened this app and this post was there…and I’m replying to your comment because both of your words spoke to my soul! I’ll jump on the crazy sparkle bandwagon and drive with you both! Cheers to sparkling lives and I’m seeing this as validation to just go for it. Thank you both❤️✨❤️✨
Yes!! I put my two week’s notice in at my 9-5 about a week ago so I’ll be joining you in that magnificent leap of faith ✨if not now, when? That’s what I keep sitting with and it’s guiding me forward
That’s exactly what my theme today has been…why wait until x months from now…why give my energy to something I’m sure I don’t want anymore. I have a large event that I planned in 2 weeks and I plan to give my notice the moment it’s over. I’m beyond excited, and filled with peace and optimism for the next chapter. Life’s too short to waste time on anything that doesn’t light you up! (I feel like my guides are saying “Finally, she’s picking up what we’ve been trying to show her!” lol)
You have articulated here, exactly how I have felt my whole life as a full time, self employed artist. This bizarre oscillation between loving what I do, finding it valuable and worthy - mixed with feelings of guilt, fear, exhaustion, satisfaction. I could not love this article more.
Wow.
So beautifully written, raw and utterly brilliant. Bravo for your refusal to settle for anything less than butterflies and magic . 🙌
As I read this on my back, warm in my bed with freezing temps outside, an hour before I need to leave to work
(on my typical off day)
to toil in the elements,
(in which there are FREEZING TEMPS OUTSIDE!!!)
I feel taken over by a kindred warmth knowing that there are those like you, Amie, and like me in this crazy world, including those who also felt compelled to leave comments about how much this heartfelt essay meant to them.
We desire a life that sparkles, and yet so many of us have been fed the opposite, for most I guess because it’s simply all our guides ever known.
How amazing to be a trailblazer leaving the smell of rebellion and sparkles in your wake for those of us who demand more to follow, and carve our own path along the way.
Amie, I’m thankful for your need to write, your need to speak and be heard, as your sentiments always leave me feeling invigorated to continue to chase my dreams, and prove to myself that it can be done.
Whether you realize it or not, you’re doing very meaningful work— You’re kindling the smoldering embers in the hearts of the artists who desire more from this oppressive system, who want to make their mark while inspiring others with their creativity so that more can know they have the right and ability to chose a life that sparkles.
Much love to the rebels. Keep on shining. ✨✨✨
I am so glad you fought for a sparkly life. It gives so many folks hope. I can’t wait to read your book. Recently I tried to find a “real” job again, and failed miserably at it. I am already a stay at home mom, which the world doesn’t see as real work at all. And the fact that I want to be an artist? Most find it a joke. I spent years in active addiction trying force myself into a different way of being in the world but NO MORE. My little girl told me the other day that she wants to be an artist just like me. So, I say we change the system because I’ll be damned if someone is going to tell her she can’t do what she wants.
Amie, I'm going to figure out a way to pre-order the UK version, because what the F*uck ; ) And yes! Took surviving cancer to make me carve out a job that I can make money at that lights me up and can support my art. Can't wait to read it.
These comments are bizarre. You don’t relate to this because you have some kind of special kinship - you relate to this because almost no one wants to work. That’s why they have to pay us for it.
But look around you. You’re couch, your lunch, your phone, your house, your oven. Think of the stuff you do - your therapy, your airplane travel, your books, your medicine, your kids education. All of these were brought to you by people doing work that they almost definitely didn’t want to do. If you want the fruits of other people’s contributions to your life, you have to contribute to someone else’s. Not what *you* want to give them (your art, etc.), but what *they* want. What they’re willing to pay for.
If you don’t work, that’s fine, but you’ll have to give up consuming the benefits of other people’s work. That’s a tradeoff most people don’t want to make - though there are some and they live in tents - and society reflects that.
Finally, a comment from the actual, real world.
TLDR: You aren't accounting for intangible benefits of art beyond monetary return and most people do, in fact, like their jobs.
There are many people who enjoy work that isn't art. I think it's hard to argue that the people doing the jobs related to the things you listed, pilots, engineers, writers (art!), editors, doctors, chemists, teachers, and therapists don't enjoy their jobs as a rule.
Those are actually jobs that tend to rank highly on job satisfaction metrics. Indeed, according to this gallup poll (https://news.gallup.com/poll/1720/work-work-place.aspx), 91% of respondents were at least somewhat satisfied with their jobs, and 50% were completely satisfied. Only 8% were unsatisfied. So, yes, it is rare for people to genuinely not enjoy paid employment.
This is a very transactional view of society. To use some technical language from economists, you are centring "exchange value". That is, the price that someone is paid for something. There are several issues with this method of account "value" when it comes to creative work.
First, it does not factor in "experiential value", that is the joy that someone experiences from either using a product or creating it. Capitalism, as a rule, is inefficient at rewarding experiential value as it's not possible to create more capital from it. There are some calculations economists try to do to determine an equivalent exchange value for experiential value, like multiplying the time people choose to spend doing something by the minimum wage (a formula that effectively says, I'm willing to NOT WORK x hours and do this thing in order to feel good). But even that is a poor way of accounting for experiential value.
Second, it's clear that simply having artists in a community, and the presence of art in a community, is an extremely potent public health booster. It makes for stronger communities and happier people. So we know from several large cohort studies that artists are not free loaders, but integral members of happy communities.
Third, and more importantly, most artists are not fairly compensated for their work because of large monopolies and monopsonies. As an example, Amie pays $4000 to have her audiobooks made then Audible takes 75% of each sale from her for the privilege of letting her host a file with them. Is that a fair exchange of value? Obviously not. Amie took on all the risk, but Amazon/Audible gets the rewards because it simply owns the infrastucture. That is a monopoly. The same kind of monopoly exists at virtually every point on the art supply chain. It's possible because artists are usually sole traders and can't work collectively. They get picked off one by one.
This also means there's less money left over for other artists and fewer artists can make a living.
Most of this is a response to a comment I didn’t make - something about artists not being a job that contributes to society. We do need some artists. If Amie is making money and/or has a large following from it, that’s a good signal that her work is valued. But this is no different than a professional basketball player, actor or influencer telling people they should do those things. We only hear from the exceptions that made it, not from the hordes of failures who are living precariously for making that decision and failing.
In order to succeed in those fields, you have to have some combination of extreme skill and luck. “Move to Hollywood and chase your dream if don’t like your job” is famously, terrible advice for most people.
Only a very small number of people get to do those passion jobs. And the reason they pay so little is *because* a lot of people want to do them. Heck, we’re here contributing opinion writing for free. Supply and demand. Audible is new - art has always been a low paid job for all but a tiny selection of superstars.
If we want watermelons, someone has to have the job of picking watermelons, shipping watermelons, managing watermelon farms, building farming equipment, etc. No one wants to do those jobs.
The jobs you listed might not be as bad as picking watermelons but the vast majority of the time, the people doing them are watching the clock and waiting to go home. And even to get one of the really good ones (doctor, commercial pilot, software engineer) means spending many years doing the stuff that Amie decries - following orders from a boss, showing up when they want you to, etc. No one in those jobs got them with a “I don’t want to work!” attitude.
I read back over your post and don't think I misrepresented your argument at all. I was directly responding to your points that:
1) people generally don't want to work regular jobs, which is just not true. Many, indeed most, people prefer regular jobs to making art.
2) there is some kind of basic direct market system between people whereby you are allowed goods and services based on how much other individuals want to pay your for your goods and services. My point is that modern capitalism sets up chokepoints that capture the value of art before this exchange can happen. If someone wants to buy an audiobook, they need to sell four times as many as they would if the chokepoint didn't exist in order to survive off their art.
Society does not have to work this way. We empower large corporations to act this way through a series of arcane anti-trust laws and regulations that favour them over artists.
Supply and demand is a very simplistic way to view our economy. It ignores the litany of things that happen under the hood that mean that markets and capital are far from free.
We live under neo-liberalism which is a system that has the express purpose of enriching large corporations over regular people. Infinite other potential systems exist.
As to survivorship bias, yes of course, that is just a fact. Amie isn't arguing that everyone should quit their jobs and they will be successful writers. She herself worked other jobs while trying to make it as a writer. I think, though, that society could support many more artists if they were compensated fairly for their work which does, in fact, have value.
The narrative that enjoyable jobs are poorly compensated because of competition is somewhat true. But once again, you hugely oversimplifying a very complex issue. As I said before, there is probably at least 4-5x more money to go around the creative community which would create many more creative jobs. Graeber, who Amie mentions in the article, would agree that we compensate people less if their job is meaningful and enjoyable. But he asks us not to stop there and just accept this. Why do you want to live in a world that just accepts that as fair?
Also, let's take your watermelon example. There are actually many people who enjoy logistics, farming, engineering farming equipment. You claim that the vast majority of people who work are watching the clock, but as I showed from the gallup survey data, that doesn't appear to be the case.
I think we are too far apart on the question of “how much of the need for people to do unwanted work is a product of neoliberalism?” I don’t see any form of government that liberates the majority from doing jobs they don’t want to do. No country has figured this out, currently or historically, as far as I can tell. The wealth of the US has brought us closer than say, the Soviet Union, North Korea or China. Sweden has a lot of benefits but most people don’t get to do jobs there that resemble their hobbies.
With regard to the job satisfaction survey, I think you’re misinterpreting what people mean when they say they’re “satisfied” with their job. I work at a good company, and I think most people would say they’re satisfied with their job there. But those people are also much happier when it’s Friday evening than Monday morning, and the vast majority would leave if they could make the same money doing their favorite hobby (playing sports, art, writing political takes, dancing, whatever.) That’s true for waaay too many people for the demand for those professions to support that demand.
And the people who most actually like there jobs generally got there with a lot of work they didn’t want to do.
I don’t think any of that is a function of monopsonies. When these were cash markets with no consolidation, musicians, bards, artists, poets, intellectuals, etc. were still poverty jobs outside of the very top.
Great points. I think you're probably right that it's hard to see a legitimate path to what I'm advocating for.
And agreed that the survey data is probably not addressing my point directly.
Thanks for the conversation, I found it really useful for understanding my own views better.
Fantastic Amie! Your post was like the anthem of my life! Parents always said “it’s why it’s called work, you aren’t supposed to like it, you just work” WTF? That’s not my world. Thank you so much for this and I pre-ordered your book!