I asked my husband who was a Buddhist monk for 20 years about this exact dilemma. His answer and the answer that I have found in Buddhist teachings is, it is not about getting rid of all desire or ambition. It is about where we direct it. Healthy desires and ambitions are normal and encouraged. However, it's the detachment from outcome that is at the core of Buddhist teachings on liberation. It is the attachment that creates suffering. Love that you shared your pov on this topic. Something I struggled with for years.
Aimee, I LOVE THIS (YOU). I think we have a weird relationship with the word “ambition” because in a CULTure that doesn’t understand art, “ambition” is a code word for “endless hustle to earn validation from the capitalist patriarchy.”
YOUR “ambition” is the living of dreams. The daring to do what you WEREN’T “TAUGHT” to. The audacious belief in your art, in your spirit, in your TRUE SELF.
The common connotation of the word doesn’t work here — I think THAT’S why the dissonance. Your “ambition”… is actually alignment.
I read the article you’re talking about (I believe if it was “The more I heal the less ambitious I become” by Nadia Meli), and I found it quite beautiful in its own way; the same way I find your article beautiful and moving. For me, it’s a matter of recognizing where on the journey I am, personally, as at different times we’re driven by different needs. That’s why hearing ambitious people reflect later on in life saying, “oh I missed the point I should’ve done this I should’ve done that” is such an odd feeling— we live and move in the ways we need to at whatever stage of our life’s journey we’re in at the moment. I think both conflicting things hold true: ambition can be a trap; ambition can be how we break free from our prison. It depends on who we are and where we are in our human/soul journey. I needed Nadia’s words the day I read them; I needed your words today. Permission to rest; permission to pursue. Thanks for opening up this conversation and this world of thought for me this morning <3
Exactly. It’s also the power of language. Ambition can be used negatively or positively, depending on your belief system. I feel like I’m very ambitious at times because I’m curious and creative and an artist. But ambition can also be used egotistically and drive people towards a soulless life. I think it’s so easy to sit back and judge ourselves and others rather than just letting ourselves “be” in or enjoy whatever it is we are experiencing. I also think there’s value in looking at our choices of course. So yeah lots of angles to see the ideas of ambition through. I loved this piece and I loved Nadia’s as well. 💫
This was so interesting to read, and I know I've been aghast to hear folks talk about ambition as if it's only a trauma response, like any ambitious person is climbing hills to escape old monsters. What nonsense!
Desire is perfectly human, perfectly natural, and perfectly personal. The folks who constantly strive but never savor are often the ones for whom the outcome is the goal, rather than the process, which affects how dopamine is disbursed.
When you're waiting for the dopamine high at the end of a project, the resulting boost can feel like a letdown, like creative depression. But when you feed yourself a steady dopamine drip by leaning into the process, the outcome becomes irrelevant. Instead, it's the journey that brings the high. To that end, I structure my ambitions around goals and daily habits, which keep me content and moving forward and never come with the dopamine crash at the end that sends me into emotional turmoil like a toddler after too much sugar.
And yes! For me, ambition feels a bit like a delightful glass of sparkling water which dances on the tongue.
Thank you so much for this! I have observed in myself this feeling of “finally coming up for air” or “finally taking my head out of the fishbowl”. It’s a feeling of finally zooming out of the ambition. I tend to get hyper focused on an ambition or purpose. And coming out of the water and taking a deep breath is necessary to just ground the ambition and ask myself, if i still want to do this, are there other priorities i want to focus on, does this ambition still feel good to live with. And i’ve discovered how fun life is with ambition. it’s almost intoxicating. and these moments of lucidity i mentioned, are the moments i remind myself that this is a game i love to play. it’s not who i am. it’s not what i must do. it’s what i choose to do. it’s what i take pleasure in.
i love this format - it’s so helpful to follow your reflections and also reflect on the questions myself as i read!
i hear you on Buddhism and desire, but i think there is a lot of misinterpretation in Westernized and even some sects of its Eastern roots. for me it’s about tuning into my desires with acceptance, understanding and non-expectation - so that i’m not trying to erase or bypass them but rather integrate and hold them without letting them control me. then i have more choice and can still follow them but without pressure
I really appreciate your honesty, courage and conscious commitment to what makes you truly happy and what bring meaning into your life.
As a living text-book definition of trauma who on top of all trauma passed on in my family, I have survived a brutal civil war in my home city Aleppo, Syria. In 2014 after my brother was killed, we decided with my parents and siblings to leave the country. Ever since then I am in still in my healing journey and at the same time it is quite a bag that I usually carry in my daily life. I must admit that, I am too very suspicious of my ambition and perfectionism, Being also spiritually conscious (Yoga, Pranayama and the philosophy of Buddhism). After all, my way of rationalizing my trauma and the subsequent responses, my ambition and relentless perfectionism; is as long as I am learning something new through those experiences, I am a step closer to knowing who I am and what I am capable of. Knowing that and be content and proud about it in my loneliest moments, away all from the lights, is what drives me.
At the end we are a product of our environments and I never saw/see myself as an example to how a sound response to trauma can be.
This makes me think about something that I have been struggling with the last five years or so, when I quit my safe, stable job to follow my wild ambitions to become a children’s book illustrator. How can my ambition keep going when the outward world isn’t giving me constant accolades and validation to tell me: you’re on the right track, keep going. I have dreams, ambitions, goals, desires, and I find I fluctuate between believing in myself, and metaphorically I am pumped up like an inflated beach ball, and then I get rejected by some prize or something, and hisssss. It starts to deflate. For me, my ambition is so intrinsically linked to what other people think of me, or, maybe that’s not right, maybe more accurately, sometimes it feels like it hinges on how other people recognise and validate me. I just illustrated a picture book about Van Gogh, who, as we all know, died in poverty, not knowing what he would become to so many people. But he WAS ambitious I think. In his wonderful letters to his brother (I highly recommend if you haven’t read them) right until the end he is striving to be better, to make the next picture that would meet whatever ambitions he had for him and his artwork. When I quit my job, I did an MA in Children’s Book Illustration and graduated with a distinction and as i went out into the real world, I was excited! This is happening, I am making this happen. And then I entered all the graduate illustration prizes and didn’t even get shortlisted for ONE! Then the very last one I heard from I got highly commmended. But that felt like a wake up call. My lovely, innocent, carefree ambition on graduating got slammed. It took me quite a while to pick myself up again. The rejection was so horrible. But to ambition: I am getting success, I’m painting my fifth picture book in those 5 years. But I’ve also had some pretty hurtful rejections from prizes I care about. Seen friends I love and respect win those prizes. Now, five years into this “journey” I threw myself into I find I’m best when I’m making work for ME, and setting myself ambitions in my practice. Working on my skills, writing. And keeping going with love and enthusiasm and enjoyment of my craft. And yes, I have hope, but I find ambition can go hand in hand with pain and I’m not sure how helpful that is for me. A really interesting read, thank you. I will ponder as I paint today.
So love this post!! It’s all about consciously understanding the inner source of the ambition. Am I motivated by fear, unworthiness, not having self validation, or…is it from self love, self worth, self trust, inner inspiration, inner joy and desire to share? Or both? I never knew my motivations 90% were fear based until I burned out. Being conscious of the motivation is everything.
I love reading these active processing/musings types of articles. I love just reading someone's flow of thought, especially when being introspective.
I find myself trapped between a space of extreme ambition myself, with an active burnout (next door to zero energy) while recovering from grief and the decision to abandon (almost) everything I built for myself over 10 years. It's hard to write when I'm still facing the anger over my misjudgment of journalism and the music industry. It's hard to write when I still sometimes can't believe the person who meant the most to me is gone.
But... writing still makes me feel something when almost nothing else does. If I'm so burnt out that I don't feel love for people IRL, isn't it a miracle that I fall in love with my characters over and over?
I hope to find some audience for my writing one day. Until then, I hope to keep writing anything and everything anyway, because it still brings me joy.
I loved everything about this! It felt like a manifesto and I’ve saved it to reread often.
I used to very driven and ambitious and then burned out and the last couple of years have been rebuilding my energy and refocusing on what it is that I actually want. It’s vulnerable to admit that I don’t have a ton of drive right now. I have ambition but it’s also quiet. So quiet. And I think that’s ok. The old ambition was not for my own dreams but for shoulds. No wonder I burned out!
Now as I rebuild I am focused on what I authentically desire and what my voice has to say and write. I’d love to feel the sparkling drive you have. Something to work towards 😀
I don't feel that there is anything inherently wrong with desire/ambition; in fact, it's a fundamental driver in nature. Does the plant not desire water so it can reach for the sky? The key is to release all expectations of what "could be." When we attach ourselves to the outcome of that desire, things go awry, in wanting something to be a certain way. Desire is clean because it's situated in the present moment. If you truly desire something, it comes from authenticity, which drives action in the here and now. Thanks Amira, thought provoking piece, as always 🙂
I asked my husband who was a Buddhist monk for 20 years about this exact dilemma. His answer and the answer that I have found in Buddhist teachings is, it is not about getting rid of all desire or ambition. It is about where we direct it. Healthy desires and ambitions are normal and encouraged. However, it's the detachment from outcome that is at the core of Buddhist teachings on liberation. It is the attachment that creates suffering. Love that you shared your pov on this topic. Something I struggled with for years.
yes, freedom in form, not freedom from form
Aimee, I LOVE THIS (YOU). I think we have a weird relationship with the word “ambition” because in a CULTure that doesn’t understand art, “ambition” is a code word for “endless hustle to earn validation from the capitalist patriarchy.”
YOUR “ambition” is the living of dreams. The daring to do what you WEREN’T “TAUGHT” to. The audacious belief in your art, in your spirit, in your TRUE SELF.
The common connotation of the word doesn’t work here — I think THAT’S why the dissonance. Your “ambition”… is actually alignment.
That’s why it feels so electric. It is. ✨✨✨
Ambition = Alignment. Yes! I love that!
Thank you, Jacque! 🤍
I read the article you’re talking about (I believe if it was “The more I heal the less ambitious I become” by Nadia Meli), and I found it quite beautiful in its own way; the same way I find your article beautiful and moving. For me, it’s a matter of recognizing where on the journey I am, personally, as at different times we’re driven by different needs. That’s why hearing ambitious people reflect later on in life saying, “oh I missed the point I should’ve done this I should’ve done that” is such an odd feeling— we live and move in the ways we need to at whatever stage of our life’s journey we’re in at the moment. I think both conflicting things hold true: ambition can be a trap; ambition can be how we break free from our prison. It depends on who we are and where we are in our human/soul journey. I needed Nadia’s words the day I read them; I needed your words today. Permission to rest; permission to pursue. Thanks for opening up this conversation and this world of thought for me this morning <3
Exactly. It’s also the power of language. Ambition can be used negatively or positively, depending on your belief system. I feel like I’m very ambitious at times because I’m curious and creative and an artist. But ambition can also be used egotistically and drive people towards a soulless life. I think it’s so easy to sit back and judge ourselves and others rather than just letting ourselves “be” in or enjoy whatever it is we are experiencing. I also think there’s value in looking at our choices of course. So yeah lots of angles to see the ideas of ambition through. I loved this piece and I loved Nadia’s as well. 💫
This was so interesting to read, and I know I've been aghast to hear folks talk about ambition as if it's only a trauma response, like any ambitious person is climbing hills to escape old monsters. What nonsense!
Desire is perfectly human, perfectly natural, and perfectly personal. The folks who constantly strive but never savor are often the ones for whom the outcome is the goal, rather than the process, which affects how dopamine is disbursed.
When you're waiting for the dopamine high at the end of a project, the resulting boost can feel like a letdown, like creative depression. But when you feed yourself a steady dopamine drip by leaning into the process, the outcome becomes irrelevant. Instead, it's the journey that brings the high. To that end, I structure my ambitions around goals and daily habits, which keep me content and moving forward and never come with the dopamine crash at the end that sends me into emotional turmoil like a toddler after too much sugar.
And yes! For me, ambition feels a bit like a delightful glass of sparkling water which dances on the tongue.
Thank you so much for this! I have observed in myself this feeling of “finally coming up for air” or “finally taking my head out of the fishbowl”. It’s a feeling of finally zooming out of the ambition. I tend to get hyper focused on an ambition or purpose. And coming out of the water and taking a deep breath is necessary to just ground the ambition and ask myself, if i still want to do this, are there other priorities i want to focus on, does this ambition still feel good to live with. And i’ve discovered how fun life is with ambition. it’s almost intoxicating. and these moments of lucidity i mentioned, are the moments i remind myself that this is a game i love to play. it’s not who i am. it’s not what i must do. it’s what i choose to do. it’s what i take pleasure in.
i love this format - it’s so helpful to follow your reflections and also reflect on the questions myself as i read!
i hear you on Buddhism and desire, but i think there is a lot of misinterpretation in Westernized and even some sects of its Eastern roots. for me it’s about tuning into my desires with acceptance, understanding and non-expectation - so that i’m not trying to erase or bypass them but rather integrate and hold them without letting them control me. then i have more choice and can still follow them but without pressure
I really appreciate your honesty, courage and conscious commitment to what makes you truly happy and what bring meaning into your life.
As a living text-book definition of trauma who on top of all trauma passed on in my family, I have survived a brutal civil war in my home city Aleppo, Syria. In 2014 after my brother was killed, we decided with my parents and siblings to leave the country. Ever since then I am in still in my healing journey and at the same time it is quite a bag that I usually carry in my daily life. I must admit that, I am too very suspicious of my ambition and perfectionism, Being also spiritually conscious (Yoga, Pranayama and the philosophy of Buddhism). After all, my way of rationalizing my trauma and the subsequent responses, my ambition and relentless perfectionism; is as long as I am learning something new through those experiences, I am a step closer to knowing who I am and what I am capable of. Knowing that and be content and proud about it in my loneliest moments, away all from the lights, is what drives me.
At the end we are a product of our environments and I never saw/see myself as an example to how a sound response to trauma can be.
Thank you for being you :)
This makes me think about something that I have been struggling with the last five years or so, when I quit my safe, stable job to follow my wild ambitions to become a children’s book illustrator. How can my ambition keep going when the outward world isn’t giving me constant accolades and validation to tell me: you’re on the right track, keep going. I have dreams, ambitions, goals, desires, and I find I fluctuate between believing in myself, and metaphorically I am pumped up like an inflated beach ball, and then I get rejected by some prize or something, and hisssss. It starts to deflate. For me, my ambition is so intrinsically linked to what other people think of me, or, maybe that’s not right, maybe more accurately, sometimes it feels like it hinges on how other people recognise and validate me. I just illustrated a picture book about Van Gogh, who, as we all know, died in poverty, not knowing what he would become to so many people. But he WAS ambitious I think. In his wonderful letters to his brother (I highly recommend if you haven’t read them) right until the end he is striving to be better, to make the next picture that would meet whatever ambitions he had for him and his artwork. When I quit my job, I did an MA in Children’s Book Illustration and graduated with a distinction and as i went out into the real world, I was excited! This is happening, I am making this happen. And then I entered all the graduate illustration prizes and didn’t even get shortlisted for ONE! Then the very last one I heard from I got highly commmended. But that felt like a wake up call. My lovely, innocent, carefree ambition on graduating got slammed. It took me quite a while to pick myself up again. The rejection was so horrible. But to ambition: I am getting success, I’m painting my fifth picture book in those 5 years. But I’ve also had some pretty hurtful rejections from prizes I care about. Seen friends I love and respect win those prizes. Now, five years into this “journey” I threw myself into I find I’m best when I’m making work for ME, and setting myself ambitions in my practice. Working on my skills, writing. And keeping going with love and enthusiasm and enjoyment of my craft. And yes, I have hope, but I find ambition can go hand in hand with pain and I’m not sure how helpful that is for me. A really interesting read, thank you. I will ponder as I paint today.
To me, it sounds like you went through a lot of healing to get where you are. To feel free to do what you love and energized to do it.
You're an inspiration to me, that I can beat depression and transition into a life full of creativity and art.
I've started to work on myself (through CBT) and make a more serious effort by working on my art.
I want to do shit that lights me up, and seeing others get there makes me think it's actually possible.
So love this post!! It’s all about consciously understanding the inner source of the ambition. Am I motivated by fear, unworthiness, not having self validation, or…is it from self love, self worth, self trust, inner inspiration, inner joy and desire to share? Or both? I never knew my motivations 90% were fear based until I burned out. Being conscious of the motivation is everything.
This is really timely for me. Thank you.
Hey... you're on the TED list... you'll stay there till they schedule you - it's about them. Congratulations!!!
I love reading these active processing/musings types of articles. I love just reading someone's flow of thought, especially when being introspective.
I find myself trapped between a space of extreme ambition myself, with an active burnout (next door to zero energy) while recovering from grief and the decision to abandon (almost) everything I built for myself over 10 years. It's hard to write when I'm still facing the anger over my misjudgment of journalism and the music industry. It's hard to write when I still sometimes can't believe the person who meant the most to me is gone.
But... writing still makes me feel something when almost nothing else does. If I'm so burnt out that I don't feel love for people IRL, isn't it a miracle that I fall in love with my characters over and over?
I hope to find some audience for my writing one day. Until then, I hope to keep writing anything and everything anyway, because it still brings me joy.
Best of luck with your book launch!
I loved everything about this! It felt like a manifesto and I’ve saved it to reread often.
I used to very driven and ambitious and then burned out and the last couple of years have been rebuilding my energy and refocusing on what it is that I actually want. It’s vulnerable to admit that I don’t have a ton of drive right now. I have ambition but it’s also quiet. So quiet. And I think that’s ok. The old ambition was not for my own dreams but for shoulds. No wonder I burned out!
Now as I rebuild I am focused on what I authentically desire and what my voice has to say and write. I’d love to feel the sparkling drive you have. Something to work towards 😀
I don't feel that there is anything inherently wrong with desire/ambition; in fact, it's a fundamental driver in nature. Does the plant not desire water so it can reach for the sky? The key is to release all expectations of what "could be." When we attach ourselves to the outcome of that desire, things go awry, in wanting something to be a certain way. Desire is clean because it's situated in the present moment. If you truly desire something, it comes from authenticity, which drives action in the here and now. Thanks Amira, thought provoking piece, as always 🙂
This was so, so raw and beautiful. I read it out loud by myself. Didn't want it to end. Thank you, Amie. You are making an impact.