The Problem with Big Promises

On Big Talk, Broken Promises, and Building a Better Culture for Supporting Other Artists

During the launch of my book We Need Your Art I had a fair amount of very prominent, successful people promise to support my book who did not follow through. I had people with much more power than me throw around very cool ideas, and suggest things they could do for me, that never eventuated. I had people gas me the fuck up and promise me the most incredible opportunities, then ghosted me, even when I followed up an embarrassing amount of times.

I know with almost 100% certainty that none of these people did this maliciously. They are just busy. My book isn’t their priority. Or perhaps they still intend to support me but haven’t gotten around to it. It just wasn’t that high on the to do list! They don’t owe me their time. But it has been a painful, interesting learning curve.

It’s taught me a lot. Mostly, that I must always be very very aware of my own power.

I believe most of these people weren’t aware of how much their support meant to me. I think they forgot about the power that they wield.

I’ve considered sending emails to several people, just reminding them: “Hey, you are powerful. There is a power imbalance in our relationship. This impacted me more than you know. Be careful with your words.”

So far, I haven’t been brave enough to send them. But I am writing this essay.

Of course, forgetting one’s power is an easy thing to do. Especially for Creatives. Even ultra succesful artists exist in a system that make them feel powerless. It is easy to forget you have any influence when you’re deep in the shit of trying to get the algorithm to share your creations to just 0.1% of your followers. Or you yourself are being rejected or ignored by even more powerful people than you! How could I fuck someone over? I’m not even powerful! I’m being fucked over by the people with the real power! We always think someone is above us on the ladder.

I forget my power all the time. It’s why I’m writing this essay. You probably forget your power too. You may not even realise you wield any. You do. The thing is, while there will always be someone who has more power than you, you almost certainly wield some sort of power and you need to be aware of how that impacts people.

The more I talk to other artists about my experience, I realise this is a systemic creative industry issue.

EVERYONE IS CHATTING SHIT.

In every single branch of the creative arts. In every industry.

Everyone is telling everyone else how supportive they are of each other. They’re going to connect you, platform you, promote you, hire you. 99% of it never materialises.

There is so much smoke being blown up our collective arses. It’s become a sacred cultural practice.

It’s crap.

I am all for dreaming big. Baby, all I want to do is dream big. But if you have more power than the artist you are speaking to, and you are not taking your promises seriously, then it’s not dreaming big. It’s not generosity. It’s an ego trip.

I have a suspicion that a lot people are getting dopamine highs off of big talk. Then because being flakey is now a cultural norm, there’s no need to follow through. Things fell through! The industry is fickle! Ooops! The literal president took your spot, sorry (versions of this have happened to me).

But honestly, I’ve been through nothing compared to some of the creatives I’ve spoken to. Listening to some of the actors, musicians and other authors, and hearing the things that have been dangled in front of their faces... people stringing them along, taunting them… to then just be ghosted, or let down. Ooft you should see me talk about this in real life, where I have no qualms naming names. I go off. It’s wrong.

I want to be an author of my word. If I say I’m going to do something, I want to do it.

You would think my biggest lesson from all this is don’t trust anyone when they talk big game. And look, yeah, I feel like I’ve had a healthy dose of scepticism injected into my veins, not bitterness, not thick skin, just like a little, really important, reality check. But I feel like I’ve learnt something so much more important, a lesson I actually really needed. I want to be a person who supports creatives with my whole heart. I want to be a person of my word.

This sounds like a simple, normal declaration. Like, eh, yeah Amie. Of course. But I am realising that I AM ALSO someone who chats a fair amount of shit. I think it may be an ADHD thing, it may be a creative, head in the clouds thing. I have a big heart, big vision, small energetic capacity, small social capacity.

Sometimes I say I’ll do things, and find that later, I do not have the capacity, or perhaps because of my ADHD brain I will excitedly say fuck yes and then I will literarily just forget.

You know when you’re in one of those self indulgent, vaguely torturous moods and you think: I wonder what my absolute worst quality is? I wonder what my friends struggle with the most about me? (Please tell me I am not the only one who gets caught in these moods) Anyway, I’m pretty sure that a fair amount of my nearest and dearest would say that I am fucking FLAKEY.

I want to work on this but to be clear, I always want to honour my capacity. And in the future, without a doubt, I will find that I have over promised and I will need to disappoint people - I am human. But I am committing to being careful about the words I use, and the promises I make. From this point onward, my promises, my commitments, they will carefully consider my capacity, and they will carefully consider any possible power imbalance. I will be a clear and compassionate communicator. I will be generous with my words AND my actions. My words are always accompanied by actions.

Artists are vulnerable.

We put our souls out into the world for others to see. We navigate industries that often make us feel very small. So when we talk about creative projects, when we promise artists support for their work, we need to be serious about it. We need to be clear in our communication. We need to know that we can follow through, or at least be clear if we are not 100% certain we will be able to do as we say!

A big reason I want “more success” as an author is so that I can use that power to support other creatives. So I must consider this carefully. This is part of my job. My vision. My future. I must wield my power with huge amounts of intention and precision.

Who will you be when you have power?

This is really a conversation about preparing for success (hey, there’s a chapter about that in my book!). I don’t care what stage you’re at in the journey right now, you need to prepare for your success. A reminder, all of us will already wield some power right now.

• People pleasers, I see you. When you reach your creative success - are you going to say yes to every single person who wants a piece of you? Yes? Is this good for you? Is this good for them? Are you going to be able to follow through?

• Adhd’ers - Hey babies, I see us. We want to do so much. We have so many ideas. We love to talk big game. We need to be careful.

• Mentors and senior artists You might not realise how much weight your words carry to someone newer in the field, remember your power. To the rest of us, as we get older, we will find people looking up to us, how will you wield that power?

• People with social media followings - I don’t care about your follower count, you will almost certainly have more followers and more influence than other people - remember your power. Do not underestimate it. Remember that even though you might not feel powerful, other people will believe you are powerful. They will look up to you.

• Gatekeepers in the industry - could you use clearer language, be more open about the processes, keep creatives more in the loop? You may not feel like you have power, but part of your job is to take care of the creative you are working with, and taking care of them means clear communication. Over promising hurts in the long run.

• BASICALLY ALL OF US! None of us are exempt from this conversation. Prepare for your success, think about how you will wield your power!

If I have ever promised you something …

And I have not followed through, please from the bottom of my heart forgive me. I am endeavouring to be better.

At a Writing Room conference in Santa Fe in 2023 I asked someone to come on my my podcast - and I never followed through, and now I have lost your details. I fucking think about it all the time. If this was you - please message me.

I also had many established artists promise their support for my book and follow through.

Let’s finish this conversation here. I am so grateful for the support I received from established artists for We Need Your Art. Stand out goes to Rowan Mangan and Martha Beck. Two artists of extreme integrity, who said they loved my book - and then fucking backed it. I am so grateful. It has meant so much. It has been so deeply meaningful to me. Matt Haig has got to be one of the most busy writers in the world, and he has found time for me and my book. What a blessing. Diego, of Yung Pueblo fame, has been so incredibly kind to me as I navigated this book deal, right from the start. I am so grateful

Creatives, a part of our job is to support other creatives, it is so beautiful and meaningful when we do. You can have real, beautiful impact when you back someone else’s work. Let’s take this seriously.

I love you! If you feel called to: Buy my book!

Amie.