This is such a powerful conversation because I too find myself saying I can do things that I can’t. I’m actually just about to put out an article about this myself so we’re on the same timeline.
I feel like this is a larger issue of what I call not moving at earth speed. Thinking with our heads and ideas but not consulting the ground beneath our feet. Not following through not because we don’t want to but because we are not actually embodied, and therefore not living in a truthful place.
I feel that I have consulted all the elements in my art making: air- ideas, water - emotionality, fire - passion. But for any of it to stick, I need earth. And it’s the least sexy and most important. Slow art is the way, and the industry that capitalism necessitates is designed to burn us out & keep us from standing in our truth. Takes a lot of cahones to slow down.
Agreed & soooo beautifully said. I call this the “mystic” temptation where we keep our heads in the clouds instead of our feet also on the ground. Important to remember that integrity is also massive creative fuel.
I think this is such an important conversation to have generally as it has become somehow ok to ghost people - even professionally, which is honestly not ok! I was ghosted by an art curator helping me with access support - I’m already incredibly vulnerable, so they held multiple powers in their hands. I trusted them. The experience has left me without support but also feeling like the entire community is mentally and emotionally broken. Let’s pleeeeaaaasse fix this together! 💖
One thing I pride myself on (sometimes to a fault) is doing what I say I'm going to do. Even if it's something small like showing up to a party or cleaning the kitchen - if I say I'm gonna do it, I do. 🙏
Thanks for having the guts to say all of this. I think that there is a lot of pressure on folks in your (our) situation to "just be happy" with whatever people give you...to overlook and excuse bad behavior because of the power and privilege the flaky, over-promising person has.
Completely agree! This “just be grateful for anything you get, artist,” has got to stop. So heartless. Really appreciate the concept of “a rising tide raises ALL ships.” I think that’s the mentality that can change this.
This happened to me only one time, but it was a very big name and therefore I have never forgotten how disappointing and weird it was that I was totally ghosted! I definitely blamed myself and this is very validating. As always, thank you for these, they always make a difference to me.
THIS: "There is so much smoke being blown up our collective arses. It’s become a sacred cultural practice." Fake promises, big talk, and unreliability — be it from strangers, but especially from friends — is tough to take, whether intentional or not. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable about your feelings, your art, and your needs for both.
A quote by Brian Dyson says life is like juggling 5 balls, and that one ball is rubber, can be dropped, but the others are glass. I've begun categorizing things by 'rubber' or 'glass'. Things that affect other people are glass to me, so I'm careful adding a glass ball to my juggling when I'm 'full'. But bring on those rubber balls ideation conversations, and I'll be clear that I'm going to try and juggle, but it may get dropped!
My friend and I were discussing this exact thing just hours ago after being inspired by your TED talk and trying to figure out where to go next with your call to action. Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud. We can be our own worst enemies, and as an ADHD-riddled recovering people pleaser I can say the biggest tool I have discovered for continued success and sanity is the ability to say No.
This made me think of something that happened to me when I was really young. I totally thought it was my fault for not following up properly in some mysterious way I didn't understand and probably invented. I met the person a few months later and they acted like it never happened. I think they had completely forgotten what they'd promised.
I'm sometimes too careful with my promises which makes me think I'm not making enough of them like others are. Reading this, though, I realize that saying what I'm truly, actually serious about is one of my great little pleasures
I have no idea how I found you and your fabulous book but I thank the universe for it. I lived most of my life being told that I can’t be a full time artist whether it was because of the amount of time and lack of money I could make, or because many thought that an art degree wasn’t a real thing. Art has been a huge part of my life and I am so thankful that I finally listened to my heart and started painting again. I am my own worst enemy and my biggest critic. When you say “You know when you’re in one of those self indulgent, vaguely torturous moods and you think: I wonder what my absolute worst quality is?“ I do this almost every day. It’s something I constantly work on. I also feel like I am not seen or heard by many people and at times it makes me just want to give up. But something deep inside keeps me going and giving me inspiration. Thank you Amie for sharing, your words mean everything to me. 💜
I've been working as an artist and in creative industries for 30 years. I learned very early on never trust an artist: they are/we are, all flakey. It's also how artists get great ideas - from their 'flakiness' and that lack of rigid commitment to 'reality'. Learn this: to never expect anything from an artist in the real world, and you'll be happy. And be delighted if they follow through. And if they do follow through, it's a small miracle. That said, you can probably trust an important accountant if they say they will do something! :)
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been on both ends of the coin, both forgetting my own power or feeling let down by others carelessly using or not using theirs. This really made me think x.
I know I should lead with a no, but it’s usually a yes. And I disappoint more than I should. It’s a horrible trait and I’m sure my friends are perpetually frustrated by it. I hadn’t considered it from a power point of view or from my art - no power to wield there, yet - but I’ll take this and keep thinking about it.
This is such a powerful conversation because I too find myself saying I can do things that I can’t. I’m actually just about to put out an article about this myself so we’re on the same timeline.
I feel like this is a larger issue of what I call not moving at earth speed. Thinking with our heads and ideas but not consulting the ground beneath our feet. Not following through not because we don’t want to but because we are not actually embodied, and therefore not living in a truthful place.
I feel that I have consulted all the elements in my art making: air- ideas, water - emotionality, fire - passion. But for any of it to stick, I need earth. And it’s the least sexy and most important. Slow art is the way, and the industry that capitalism necessitates is designed to burn us out & keep us from standing in our truth. Takes a lot of cahones to slow down.
"Not moving at earth speed." That's so real.
Agreed & soooo beautifully said. I call this the “mystic” temptation where we keep our heads in the clouds instead of our feet also on the ground. Important to remember that integrity is also massive creative fuel.
I think this is such an important conversation to have generally as it has become somehow ok to ghost people - even professionally, which is honestly not ok! I was ghosted by an art curator helping me with access support - I’m already incredibly vulnerable, so they held multiple powers in their hands. I trusted them. The experience has left me without support but also feeling like the entire community is mentally and emotionally broken. Let’s pleeeeaaaasse fix this together! 💖
One thing I pride myself on (sometimes to a fault) is doing what I say I'm going to do. Even if it's something small like showing up to a party or cleaning the kitchen - if I say I'm gonna do it, I do. 🙏
Thanks for having the guts to say all of this. I think that there is a lot of pressure on folks in your (our) situation to "just be happy" with whatever people give you...to overlook and excuse bad behavior because of the power and privilege the flaky, over-promising person has.
Completely agree! This “just be grateful for anything you get, artist,” has got to stop. So heartless. Really appreciate the concept of “a rising tide raises ALL ships.” I think that’s the mentality that can change this.
A guy told me one time, "Promise less than you can do, but do more than you promise."
This happened to me only one time, but it was a very big name and therefore I have never forgotten how disappointing and weird it was that I was totally ghosted! I definitely blamed myself and this is very validating. As always, thank you for these, they always make a difference to me.
THIS: "There is so much smoke being blown up our collective arses. It’s become a sacred cultural practice." Fake promises, big talk, and unreliability — be it from strangers, but especially from friends — is tough to take, whether intentional or not. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable about your feelings, your art, and your needs for both.
A quote by Brian Dyson says life is like juggling 5 balls, and that one ball is rubber, can be dropped, but the others are glass. I've begun categorizing things by 'rubber' or 'glass'. Things that affect other people are glass to me, so I'm careful adding a glass ball to my juggling when I'm 'full'. But bring on those rubber balls ideation conversations, and I'll be clear that I'm going to try and juggle, but it may get dropped!
My friend and I were discussing this exact thing just hours ago after being inspired by your TED talk and trying to figure out where to go next with your call to action. Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud. We can be our own worst enemies, and as an ADHD-riddled recovering people pleaser I can say the biggest tool I have discovered for continued success and sanity is the ability to say No.
This made me think of something that happened to me when I was really young. I totally thought it was my fault for not following up properly in some mysterious way I didn't understand and probably invented. I met the person a few months later and they acted like it never happened. I think they had completely forgotten what they'd promised.
You're already supporting me, in your awesome Inspired Collective. Grateful to you for that, Amie. Xx
I'm sometimes too careful with my promises which makes me think I'm not making enough of them like others are. Reading this, though, I realize that saying what I'm truly, actually serious about is one of my great little pleasures
I have no idea how I found you and your fabulous book but I thank the universe for it. I lived most of my life being told that I can’t be a full time artist whether it was because of the amount of time and lack of money I could make, or because many thought that an art degree wasn’t a real thing. Art has been a huge part of my life and I am so thankful that I finally listened to my heart and started painting again. I am my own worst enemy and my biggest critic. When you say “You know when you’re in one of those self indulgent, vaguely torturous moods and you think: I wonder what my absolute worst quality is?“ I do this almost every day. It’s something I constantly work on. I also feel like I am not seen or heard by many people and at times it makes me just want to give up. But something deep inside keeps me going and giving me inspiration. Thank you Amie for sharing, your words mean everything to me. 💜
I've been working as an artist and in creative industries for 30 years. I learned very early on never trust an artist: they are/we are, all flakey. It's also how artists get great ideas - from their 'flakiness' and that lack of rigid commitment to 'reality'. Learn this: to never expect anything from an artist in the real world, and you'll be happy. And be delighted if they follow through. And if they do follow through, it's a small miracle. That said, you can probably trust an important accountant if they say they will do something! :)
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been on both ends of the coin, both forgetting my own power or feeling let down by others carelessly using or not using theirs. This really made me think x.
I know I should lead with a no, but it’s usually a yes. And I disappoint more than I should. It’s a horrible trait and I’m sure my friends are perpetually frustrated by it. I hadn’t considered it from a power point of view or from my art - no power to wield there, yet - but I’ll take this and keep thinking about it.