We Need Men's Art.

Stop Telling Men to Stay Quiet

I’ve wanted to write this essay for years. But I’ve been afraid. I am afraid that I will be thrown out of my own tribe. I’m afraid it’s not sensitive with so many other things going on in the world, I am afraid I’m going to articulate my ideas poorly.

But I cannot wait to write this essay until I’ve figured out how to do it perfectly. So, I ask you to give me grace. I ask you to let me articulate myself imperfectly.

I get messages every day from men who feel like they’re “not allowed” to make art. And it fucking breaks my heart. Today, I want to talk about why we need more men making art.

Please know that none of this, NONE of this conversation is intended to turn a blind eye to the absolute shit show that gender non confirming people, trans people, and women have navigated throughout all of time. Please also know, that I am writing this fully aware that there is still a power imbalance, and that, at the top of many of our creative industries, men still hold the power. That needs to change. But we also need good men, kind men, making art.

Today I am speaking to the good, kind men.

If you’re not someone who identifies as a man, you are so welcome, I would love you to read this essay - but if you happen to know a good, kind man - I would love it if you could send it to him too.

The Male Malaise

We are navigating an era in which men, especially young men, feel adrift—redundant, misunderstood, and uncertain of their value. This has been called many things: a crisis of masculinity, a mental health epidemic among men, a “male malaise.” Thinkers like Richard Reeves and Dr. Alok Kanojia point out that modern men are searching for identity and purpose in a world that no longer clearly defines what “manhood” looks like.

Let’s look at a few of the issues most commonly discussed:

• Redundancy: Traditional “male” roles are disappearing in the workforce and in family structures. There is both a feeling of financial redundancy, and as Richard Reeves writes, “a cultural redundancy”, as men lose their traditional roles as “providers”.

• Disenfranchisement and irrelevancy: Men are told that they should be silent and that their voice is no longer needed or wanted.

• Loneliness: Men are more likely to lack close friendships, or a community to support them.

• Meaninglessness: Without a clear roadmap of “how to be a man”, men have a lack of direction, a lack of purpose. A feeling of: what’s the point?

• Stigma: Emotional vulnerability is still taboo…

• Cultural Confusion: Old shitty gender norms are decaying faster than new ones are forming.

There are many discussions about how to fix this. They range from turning to the manosphere, towards a-holes like… wow I can’t remember his name and I feel like he’d hate that … Ah Andrew Tate! To bigger more complex discussions by men like the aforementioned Richard Reeves, who look at education and policy changes that could help support men to find a sense of purpose in their lives. Lewis Howes wrote a beautiful book called, The Masks of Masculinity that gives room for men to be whoever they actually are beyond the expectations of ‘being a man’. Dr Alok Kanojia has written extensively about the modern male’s mental health issues.

These discussion are good at identifying a problem, but either don’t offer tangible solutions, or offer terrible ones (like Andrew Tate’s just be an alpha asshole solution).

But here’s my take:

The solution is art. We need more men making art. We need men creating. We need men creating loudly. We need men sharing their art. We need men teaching other people art. We need men sharing their creative failures. We need men sharing their creative vision. We need men knitting, making music, writing fantasy, taking up space. We need men finding their purpose, their voice, their community, their meaning in art. Art is the answer.

We are losing creative men.

Men in general are attending college less, but this is particularly true of art programs¹, men aren’t writing fiction² and we have NEVER seen many men in the ‘craft’ spaces. I look at my own audience, as someone who talks about the creative process and only 25% of my audience is male. We are losing creative men to addictions to porn, gaming, and social media. Men are opting out. We need men to opt back in.

Author, husband, James Winestock, said on a podcast the other day “it’s like if men make art it better be functional, like a table or a sword.” He laments this. I lament this. You lament this?! We have a certain set of rules for the man who wants to get involved into the arts. It’s got to be done a certain way, and you sure as fuck better be making money.

Fuck these rules. I want more men knitting hats for their friends. I want more men pouring their anger into the piano. I want men creating whatever their hearts call for, without justifying it to anyone. ART IS FOR MEN.

So many men I have spoken to believe their voices are not needed. They have been told to take a back seat and so they have. This can’t be right. I dont want to return to male dominance in the arts but we cannot tell men that they can’t create and take up space as artists. We cannot say their time is done. We cannot creatively repress half the earth.

It is causing so much harm. It is deepening wounds. When we tell someone to shut up, that their voice isn’t needed - we lose those people.

Every precious man in my life is an artist.

And every single one of them feels like maybe they should just shut the fuck up. A lot of women, trans people and gender non conforming folks feel like this too, of course. There are a plethora of cultural narratives that make artists feel like they should just NOT make art.

But there is one big reason why a lot of men don’t think they should create—they think their turn to be creative has passed. It was taken by their ancestors, and they misused the privilege. Now they must, in the names of their fathers, be silent.

James has said something along these lines to me several times: “Maybe I just shouldn’t be writing books. Maybe I need to be making space for other voices.”

If you know James, you know that this doesn’t make any sense. You know after spending mere minutes with him that we need voices like James’. We need books written by James. We need men like James taking up space.

My brother Jonny, has said something similar to me too. And while I see where these beautiful boys are coming from, I cannot tell you how desperately we need art made by men like Jimmy and Jonny. From men like you.

SO Why do we need more men making more art?

• Because there are brilliant, good men out there, who have brilliant, moving, world changing ideas.

• Because men who are not creating, are not well. When we suppress our creative instincts, we become unwell. Actually, when we repress our creativity, sometimes we become the worst versions of ourselves, sometimes we do really fucked up shit. We have seen this play out.

• Because a lot of men are feeling deeply unheard and it is creating huge amounts of pain.

• Because certain men are feeling so unheard they are turning to the Tates of the world to feel valid.

• Because art is a place for profound healing, for alchemizing emotions, unconsciously and consciously—something we all need, but that men in particular need. Men, in our culture, have not been given the tools to know what to do with their feelings. Art gives men space to figure this shit out.

• Because Art gives us profound agency. We become the Gods of our creative world. Right now, men (people in general but men are particularly susceptible because of the prevailing cultural narrative) are feeling more and more useless. Wages are down and the cost of living is high. It’s difficult for men to take on the role they were (unfairly) given by the culture: that of the breadwinner. Art shows that we still have IMPACT, even when the systems of the world have left us feeling redundant.

• Because Art gives us purpose. We live in a world where an increasing number of men are feeling like there’s no fucking point. Creative vision pulls us forward. Dr Alok suggests that men may be particularly prone to “existential depression”, which stops them from having any forward momentum in their life. Instead, they opt for “lateral movement”. Actions that don’t lead to anything. Partying. Gaming. Drugs. Tiktok. Art is momentum. Creativity is a powerful thrust forward in life.

• Art makes community. The research around what creativity does to communities is so exciting. The creative act brings us together. When we dare to SHARE our art, we make profound connections. Men are lonelier than ever before, we need men sharing their creations, making art together, sharing their art together. I can’t fathom the healing that would happen in our society if men were in creative community.

• As the traditional “breadwinner” role for men continues to erode, many find themselves searching for new sources of meaning and self-worth. With AI threatening a full scale job revolution the pressure to redefine one’s purpose is intensifying. Art offers a portal for men to explore their identity, express vulnerability, and contribute to society.

• Because Vulnerability has not been afforded to those conditioned as men, and art reclaims that. There is nothing more vulnerable than sharing art, and making art. Men are not here to be invincible, they are here to be human, vulnerable, exposed - art allows you, dear artist boy, to access that part of yourself. It softens you, empowers you, humbles you, rebuilds you.

• Because art is a portal to understanding yourself. To processing trauma. To seeing yourself, understanding yourself, and becoming more of yourself. In the best way possible.

• Because you, darling boy artist - have something so important to say that has never been heard before and will never be heard again. You are a one time phenomenon in the universe, and you have one precious short life—you have so much to give, and we actually fucking need it.

I wrote this essay while listening to Inside by Bo Burham,

I’m so grateful that this man made his art. It changed me. His art changed me.

We know Bo, just like James, Jonny, just like you, feels that he should shut the fuck up. Here are the lyrics from the song “comedy”:

We've had the floor for at least four hundred years
So maybe I should just shut the fuck up

*SILENCE*

I'm bored
I don't wanna do that
There's got to be another way (Yes)
For me to help out without standing on the sidelines (Never)

He’s joking around with these lyrics, but I know he’s asking a very real question and stating his very real truth. It is impossible for me not to create, must I be silent? Am I allowed to take up space?

My life would be worse if Bo had decided to shut the fuck up. I think the world in general would be worse.

As I edit this essay, I am with my creative community.

It’s a create session. Where we all make art together. Two men are creating on stage. Yoshi—who is recording the most slamming music video on his iphone and Nathan who is playing the bass. I love these men. You only have to witness them practice their craft for a few moments to know that they are changing the world.

Please, darling artist. Please, take up space. Your art could change someone else’s life.

To men,

Hey. I see you. I back you. I believe in you.

Your voice is deeply needed. Your art is needed. You, the artist, are needed. You have purpose here. You have meaning. You are wanted.

I know the journey of making art is hard and vulnerable, but it is a journey that we need you take. We need to hear your stories. We want to see you. We want to know you through your art.

You are here for a reason, and that reason is to create your art, profound art shitty art, art that delights you, art that you don’t think quite worked, Art.

Please know I am championing you. I believe you have an incredible impact to make on this world through your creativity. I am so proud of you.

And for the men waist deep in their creativity already, thank you. Thank you for your vulnerability. Please keep doing what you are doing. Please create where you can be seen, so other men can follow your sparkling example.

My book, We Need Your Art is out in less than a month.

I truly believe this book will help the men in your life. If you are a man, I want you to know this book is for you too. We need your art. If you are a woman or non binary person, buy this book for a man in your life. We need their art.

My husband, James, also writes about this. This is his article, No Men are Not Okay, I know Because I’ve Been There, and a podcast he did about it with our friends Liam and Abbey of Evolving Love.

1. The NCES “Digest of Education Statistics” compiles comprehensive data on U.S. college enrollment and degrees conferred, broken down by field of study and student demographics, including gender.

2. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/07/opinion/men-fiction-novels.html