Why people unfollow me

and why your friends don't ask about your art

This post was prompted by the following email:

I have spoken to several artists who have told me: I unfollowed you for a bit, but then I came back.

And then of course, I have the thousands and thousands of people who leave and do not come back. I lost 35,000 followers over a 2 month period recently. A lot of those would’ve been bots, but a lot of them would also be artists who did not want Amie on their feed. I am not for everyone. I feel comfortable with this truth. A lot of people don’t want to be harassed by an enthusiastic woman who over gesticulates violently while telling them why they need to create! And that makes a lot of sense to me. I begrudge no one, but I am curious about specifically why people choose to click unfollow.

I had a great conversation with a writer at a workshop who confessed to following me, then unfollowing me, then re-following only to re-unfollow me She said, “I wasn’t creating. Every time I saw your content, I was reminded of what I was avoiding, of what I was hiding from. I didn’t want the reminder. But art kept calling me back.”

This got me thinking about how often, when artists tell their friends about what they’re creating they get strange reactions. Friends nod, smile tightly, and then move the conversation swiftly on. Family, upon hearing about an upcoming exhibition, the book you’re writing, the fact you’re taking a pottery class, find ways to belittle your exciting news, and certainly don’t actively support it. Your besties never ask how the art is going!! They avoid the topic like it’s awkward.

Whether we are being unfollowed on social media, or having people awkwardly sidestep our artistry, there’s something about creativity that makes certain people squirm.

Committing to your creativity triggers people.

It makes people uncomfortable. It shines a light on a part of themselves that they have been ignoring, neglecting, hiding from.

Please know, the next time someone belittles you for your creative endeavours, or awkwardly veers away from the topic, or literarily unfollows you, it isn’t because you are an embarrassment. It isn’t because they think you’re a loser, it’s because you’ve provoked something within them.

Art is a mirror. People see themselves in our creations.

And the artist, oftentimes, is a mirror too. People see themselves in us. Every time they look at you, chasing your dreams, daring to be a little ‘delusional’, playing, making cool shit, they must confront what they are choosing to ignore. Their creativity. Their dreams. Their inner artist.

Vulnerability can be hard to look at

In my quest to understand why people unfollow / avoid the artist, I began thinking about vulnerability, and how exposed the artist is.

7 years ago, I decided to try and make a YouTube video. It’s incredibly cute. I’m not used to talking to camera, and I’m not entirely sure of myself. I made James watch it recently, and he couldn’t get through it. Even today, he can hardly watch my youtube videos. “It’s too cute!” he says, and I know what he means. You know what here’s a little treat for you:

When Tiktok first came out, James recorded his poetry and posted it on the app. I CANNOT WATCH THOSE TIKTOKS. It’s too pure.

I have a friend who is a stand up comedian, and the stress I feel when he performs (even though he is brilliant!)… I can hardly watch. I care too much. He’s too vulnerable. We are creatives, and we play in a public arena. We have to be vulnerable in front of people, and for a lot of people, often those closest to us, the easiest thing to do is to just look away.

What you are doing, (you’re making art) it makes you shine very very bright. And some people aren’t ready to look directly at your brilliance.

No one gave you permission

This, I suspect, is a big reason why people cock an eyebrow when we bring up our artistry.

We’ve grown up in a culture that has gatekept the arts from us. You can become a singer, when a label picks you. You want to be a writer? Alright, talk to me when you’ve signed a publishing contract. An actor? Cool - what have you been in? Who picked you?

But this is the age of the artist without permission. More than ever before, we are just showing up and saying: no one fucking told me I could do this, but I’m doing it anyway. And it is making people really uncomfortable. When people ask me what I do, and I decide to grace them with the correct answer of “author.” 9/10 times the next question is, who publishes you? AKA, who gave you permission? When I tell them, I do it myself, oh god, the conversation doesn’t know which way to go.

I’m not sure where I am going with this essay

But I think, what I want to say is this: Whether people are unfollowing you, or friends aren’t supporting you, or you’ve had a load of weird condescending conversations with strangers about your art - please know this is not about YOU.

It’s about THEM.

You are doing so good. You are being brave. You are chasing art. You are creating something important.

They have been confronted by your magic, in a way that has frightened them.

And hopefully, in some situations, your bravery will inspire them to chase their creative calling. Your ability to be an artist without permission, will help them realise that they don’t need permission. Maybe, your magic, will awaken their magic. But it’s not your responsibility to worry about that.

You just need to stay the course, let them do what they need to do. You have art to make. You have a creative legacy to build.

All my love

Amie