You Deserve Support From Other Creatives.

why do I want to vomit every time I ask for support as a writer?

I recently got to ask for blurbs for my upcoming and first traditionally published book, We Need Your Art. I reached out to several prolific, brilliant, successful artists, to see if they would read my book, and, if they liked my book (inevitable, she’s a game changer), if they could write something nice about it. I would then use their something nice about it to pop on the front cover / market my book baby.

I am used to doing things that scare me. I put myself and my art out there basically daily. I’m used to making myself vulnerable. I’m always a bit afraid.

But there’s something acute about the vulnerability of asking for help. I have found asking for support, asking for people to do something for me as an author, particularly challenging.

Asking for help on my creative journey makes me wanna vomvom

As artists, writers, actors, creatives – we are told to wait for permission. We are told that we must ask to create art, and if we are deemed worthy, we will be told that yes, we may create art and yes, the art is worthy of being seen.

I sit on a throne of hundreds of rejection letters. I have been told “no”, or straight up ignored for nearly a decade. In 2018(ish) I couldn’t take it any longer. I had a tiny glimmer of a suspicion that everyone who’d ever ignored me or rejected me had missed something magic. I wanted to bet on that glimmer. I needed to take up some space without permission. And so my writing career began. Fuck waiting for someone to say I could. I did.

I self pubbed, self anointed, self coronated.

SELF SELF SELF.

No longer was I begging for people to notice me. I was just putting myself out there. No longer was I refreshing my emails, hoping I’d get someone in my inbox telling me I was worthy. I was just sharing my writing, inherently worthy. I no longer felt weak and silly. I was empowered. Making art on my own terms. Sharing my writing on my own terms. Just doing the fucking thing on my own.

Nothing, NOTHING has been more empowering for me than picking myself and doing this shit by myself. But, I am noticing a funny sort of byproduct of this radical, life saving choice.

I want to do everything on my own now.

I do not want to ask anyone for anything. I don’t want to be waiting for emails. I don’t want to feel small. I don’t want to feel like an inconvenience. Asking someone to read my book and blurb it feels awfully like following up with a literary agent to see if they’ve read my book yet, and if maybe pretty please could they help a girl out. I can feel that wounded part of me rising up again. And she’s saying, “dont ask them to help - do everything by yourself.”

Let’s sit down with that part of me and talk with her for a moment.

Hey baby girl, you’ve done such a fucking good job championing yourself and fighting for your work, and taking up space. You’re actually brilliant and so brave. You have your own back. I am so proud of you.

But this journey is not done entirely alone. You need help from others as you do big scary, important things. You deserve help from other artists as you do big scary important things.

I know you don’t want to feel silly or small. You don’t want to be rejected. You don’t want to feel disempowered. I understand that. But this is not what this is.

Asking for help does not make you silly or small. It makes you brave. It makes you a fucking artist. All artists require and deserve help.

You don’t get to go on the creative journey without asking for help and support from others.

BUT WHAT IF THEY DON’T WANT TO HELP ME

Amie, you don’t NEED them. Stop translating asking for help into I am nothing without them.

If they can’t help you, cool. You’ll be absolutely fucking fine. You’ll thrive even. You’ve proven that over and over. The stakes aren’t that high.

I know this is silly, but I really don’t want to follow up on the emails

I have had several mindblowingly brilliant authors and artists say they’d read my book. I’ve sent them the manuscript and deadline, and now we wait. For some reason, I’m terrified of having to send a follow up email. The — “Have you read my book yet / are you still happy to read it” — email. I can feel it brewing.

When I think about why I dread the follow up, I see that it comes back to the fear of being inconvenient. I have felt so fucking inconvenient and annoying on my journey as an artist.

There was one moment in particular, a publishing house had taken my book to their acquisitions meeting (where they decide if they’ll buy your book). I had received a “maybe” in reply. I followed up (obviously!) - I wanted to know what way there were going to swing. No reply. I followed up again, hating myself. I felt so fucking annoying. As I write this I feel such a fucking huge amount of compassion for myself. Of course i followed up! That email was ignored. I followed up a third time. No one ever got in contact with me ever again. I felt like I’d been harassing them. I imagined them talking about me in their meetings. Stalker-like. Inappropriate! Harassment! A HASSLE.

So yes, I do have some issues with the follow up email.

BUT - sweet baby Amie. You will almost certainly need to write a few. Because humans need reminding. Humans need a check in. For fucks sake, you need 3-4 follow up emails on all tasks always because you suck at small tasks. Why do you expect other people to be better at them than you?

When you write those follow up emails you are powerful, an advocate, a fucking incredible writer fighting for her book that will change lives.

Things to remember when you ask for support

• You don’t NEED them. You’ll be fine if they can’t support you.

• You deserve support.

• It is not weak to need support.

• Your art is worth supporting.

• People actually fucking love to support artists.

• You are not a burden. You are a gift.

• You are not annoying them. You’re communicating with them in a reasonable way.

• You are fucking magic.

Artists have to ask for help.

We have very cool things to do! We need you to do the very cool things. The very cool things can’t happen without support.