When does being a pro-creative become easy?

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WHEN WILL IT BE EASY?

Maybe when my Jay Shetty Podcast comes out, the books will fly off the shelves and I’ll be invited on other podcasts, and everything will start happening and it will finally be easy.

Maybe when I get a million instagram followers, then everything will come to me easy.

Maybe if I can just hit the NYT best seller list, my inbox will be filled with opportunities and money and ease.

Maybe if my next reel goes viral, then I can just get followers and readers really easy.

Maybe, If I get really good at trusting the universe, I will get magic thing after magic thing falling into my lap, and I will feel EASE.

EASE EASE EASE.

Welcome to Amie processing something she hasn’t gotten to the bottom of yet. I have my theories, but I have no conclusions. Hypothesis only. Solely vibes.

As previously stated, Substack is a platform where I dilly dally around ideas. It is a beautiful thing to share unfinished concepts, to share yourself in the midst of growing.

Let me continue.

We all know the fallacy: “If I could just accomplish XYZ then I will finally be happy / feel succesful.”

This is not my problem. I consider myself very happy and succesful. I do not chase these things. I see joy and success in every moment of my days. Instead, I lustfully yearn for and romanticise EASE.

My story is: If I could just have XYZ happen then maybe everything will be EASY. But does the ease ever come? Is it the constantly moving goalpost? Is ease a mindset? Is ease real? What even is ease? Is Beyonce thinking, if I could just get one more grammy then it’ll be easy?

Denis Villeneuve has been announced as the next Bond Director. I see this news and I think, did they beg him to do it? Did he beg them to do it? Was it easy? Was it a fight for Denis?¹ Cynthia Erivo just got a book deal - that surely just landed in her lap? No? I think about Pedro Pascal and I think - dude has surely got a million opportunities being thrown at him and he gets to just pick his fav? (But maybe he is waiting for his time in the sun to end… scared of when the tap turns off… that sounds equally stressful and not easy at all.)

I get in the, I want ease mood, a few times a month. It happens because I get tired. It happens when I am overtly giving more than I am receiving. I fight so hard for my career as an author and creative person. And if I am honest, I love it. I love fighting for my art. Truly. I love stratergizing, and creating, and working through problems. But each book sale feels like I physically grabbed the reader by the hand, took them to the counter and made them pay. Each opportunity happened because I wrote some fucking weird emails that made me really uncomfortable and then I followed up a lot. I fight for my wins. And at some point every now and again, I think: I would really love it if someone just gave me something for free.

Or not for free. Because it wouldn’t be for free. Surely after this decade+ of fighting for my art, putting my creations out there, being brave, surely that deserves some sort of fly wheel affect, or some sort of accumulative affect? Surely at some point, there is some momentum that perpetuates more momentum?

I am certain that this issue requires… inner work. This isn’t something that is wrong with my life. My life is holy and beautiful, filled with creativity and joy - this is something I need to deal with internally, it’s an issue with the way I am looking at things. But I also kind-of just wanted to complain. Complaining is a holy and sacred part of the creative life. As long as you don’t let it fester. And I don’t. I am not bitter. I am very, very, thankful for my life. But, you know how it is … I have a cold, and I would really like an email that says:

Amie.

wow. Here is some cool creative opportunity because you are amazing.

Also, let me pay you lots of money.

xoxo

I have this desire to be undeniable, to be irresistible, to be inevitable.

And the funny thing is is that I am all of those things.

So what, Amie? What?

Patience.

Eugh.

Patience. and Trust.

Two of my greatest lessons on this journey.

Concluding unhinged thoughts that aren’t really connected.

I desire violently, and I wait.²

I trust that I am on the path, and all I must do is keep doing what I am doing.

I trust and I KNOW that trying is part of the fucking magic.

I recognise that so much magic has occurred, and it will keep occurring.

I need to know what I want, I need to seriously think about what ‘ease’ is - and whether it is something I actually long for? Or is it a myth we have been sold, so that we never feel safe as artists? Do I even want things easily? I think at least, I want a few things easy…

I acknowledge that I have been adorned with so much beauty on my journey as a writer. I am thankful for it. I count the magic. I notice the magic. I watch for magic. It is actually everywhere. I collect evidence of my impact ritualistically.

I think ease, maybe, is made by me. Not by circumstance. I don’t like the idea that ease is something to be given to me from an outside force. I want to give it to myself. Ease is the way I live, ease is the way I see my life, ease is not how many people want to give me things.

I take a deep breath, it come easy. I have a cup of tea, James made it for me, how easeful. I write on my couch, I am comfortable, this is ease. The Gilmore girls is on, Rory is reading a book, I feel ease. I have a cold, but I also have cold medicine, it eases my blocked nose. I write and I can press publish straight away, and connect with you, dear reader straight away, it is easy. It is beautiful. I feel ease.

There is so much ease. I claim it all.

This was basically a journaling entry.

Thank you for moving through it with me.

A

P.S I want to let you know that I have 50% off all my courses starting for today and lasting for a week only. Not only that, but this will be the last time you can ever buy any of my evergreen courses. The Journaling Course, the We Need Your Art Course, the Write Your Fucking Book Course will not be available ever gain, after this week. If you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to start, this is it. After this week, they’re gone.

1. God I love Deni

2. Anais Nin quote - literarily fucking kills me I didn’t write this myself. But props to Anais. God she was good.